I recently went out with some girlfriends to celebrate a be-lated birthday as well as see the new engagement ring my old roomie was sporting (sidebar: K, that ring is fabulous as are you and L, Mazel Tov!!!).
Anyway, thanks a few lychee martinis at $5 a pop (cheapest drink I have had in NYC for a while) and a yummy happy hour the topic turned to dating in this big bad city. Now, I have shared with all of you the top things I am looking for in a partner. But what are some of the things I am not looking for? That became the topic of conversation on this evening, deal breakers, things that just would rub you so the wrong way you can't be with that person.
One of the girls there that night shared the following dating story about her deal breaker and she was kind enough to allow me to share it with you. SG (single gal) had been dating DB (deal breaker) for a little while. They liked each other and were just having a good time when DB shared a little tidbit of information that started to run SG the wrong way. He explained his penchant for returning things to the store. Not just things that had never been used, but everything! Now, I will admit that I have done this to a degree. Sometimes I will read a book so fast I wind up returning it to the store and just getting a new one. But this? This was a whole new level. SG and DB had had a few sleepovers in which it finally came out that DB didn't own a bed, but rather an air mattress. SG really didn't have a huge problem with that other than wondering why a grown man didn't just buy a bed. A few days later while talking on the phone DB was a little upset, turned out he got a hole in his air mattress and nowhere to sleep. He then explained that instead of going out to buy a bed, he would return said air mattress and just get a new one! that was SG's deal breaker. It's one things to return a book or even clothes (unworn), but its another to return a mattress that has been used (for more than sleeping) to a store and expect a new one.
Now, not everyone has to agree with this. Everyone has their own deal breakers. And to be honest, I am not even sure what mine are! I know some of things that would annoy me, are they deal breakers? So I have to ask, what are some of your deal breakers?
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
...make me a match...
I don't think I need to keep "singing" the song, you get the idea. Anyway, why am I singing this song you ask? Well, because I have my very own matchmaker! Yes, that is right, Matchmaker!!
While at dinner with my friend recently, she told me about a new online dating site that allows you to connect with a matchmaker who will then work on finding matches who meet your criteria. You fill out your profile, add a few pictures, and answer a few questions. Then you get assigned a matchmaker. I spoke to my matchmaker over the weekend and am looking forward to seeing what she brings my way. You can't search through the profiles, your matchmaker does it for you! And the best part is, it is cheaper than Jdate!! So I don't really have to do anything, just sit back and wait for the matches to roll in; which I won't lie, has not really happened.
I have been sent a few matches from my matchmaker and even some from other matchmakers as well. However, most of them are not really matches for me. Some of them were fifteen years older than me, and while I like older, that may be a little too much. Some of them were about double (or triple) my size and while I don't want a skinny minny, I don't want that either. Once again I feel the need to defend myself and say I want to have some level of attraction to my match. I have accepted a few of the matches, but then they decline me. But, it only takes one! So come on Yenta (that's what I will be calling my matchmaker from now on) make me a match!
I don't think I need to keep "singing" the song, you get the idea. Anyway, why am I singing this song you ask? Well, because I have my very own matchmaker! Yes, that is right, Matchmaker!!
While at dinner with my friend recently, she told me about a new online dating site that allows you to connect with a matchmaker who will then work on finding matches who meet your criteria. You fill out your profile, add a few pictures, and answer a few questions. Then you get assigned a matchmaker. I spoke to my matchmaker over the weekend and am looking forward to seeing what she brings my way. You can't search through the profiles, your matchmaker does it for you! And the best part is, it is cheaper than Jdate!! So I don't really have to do anything, just sit back and wait for the matches to roll in; which I won't lie, has not really happened.
I have been sent a few matches from my matchmaker and even some from other matchmakers as well. However, most of them are not really matches for me. Some of them were fifteen years older than me, and while I like older, that may be a little too much. Some of them were about double (or triple) my size and while I don't want a skinny minny, I don't want that either. Once again I feel the need to defend myself and say I want to have some level of attraction to my match. I have accepted a few of the matches, but then they decline me. But, it only takes one! So come on Yenta (that's what I will be calling my matchmaker from now on) make me a match!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Too Many Words
Recently I was having dinner with a friend of mine who is also doing the whole online dating thing. We shared some stories and had a good laugh over some yummy sangria and asparagus that was soooo delish!! A couple of days later she sent me an e-mail forwarding a message she got from a potential match. I seriously cannot even begin to explain this email. I was laughing so hard when I was reading it, I thought it must have been a joke, but it wasn't. It was over one thousand words long and read like a resume for a job or a bio for a book. This is the very first paragraph.
"I posses nine of what I consider the most important qualities of a good leader and counselor: initiative, high motivation, outstanding organizational skills, self-starter, integrity and good communication skills, team work, caring, and ability to conduct a program to its fullest. My easy going nature and ability to get along with people, would certainly contribute to my ability as a counselor to function both as a friend and a mentor."
It then went into detailing his date of birth and went into everything from where his mother was from to the shul he went to as a child. It chronicled his rise in the ranks of the boy scouts and his desire to become a pilot (which he did do in case you're curious).
"From first grade through fifth grade I was in Cub Scouts, and then proceeded onto Boy Scouts, where I earned the rank of an Eagle Scout the highest rank a scout can earn. During my time in Cub Scouts I earned the religious Jewish Aleph Medal, and later in Boy Scouts achieved the Ner-Tamid Award. From age 14 to 21 I was a member of the Explorer Scouts. Now at 28, I am an adult leader, and continuing to donate my time in the interest of our youth. In my sophomore and junior year in college I took two classes concerning the history of the Jewish people, from ancient times to the present. (sample available upon reqest)"
Yes, you read correctly, he offered up a writing sample! What? This 1,180 word essay isn't enough?!
What was interesting about this e-mail is that not once did he ever ask my friend anything about her and even though the whole e-mail was about him it was so impersonal. So, needless to say this wasn't a match and we all agreed (jokingly) that she should respond with an e-mail that goes something like:
Thank you for your interest, but we have decided to go in another direction. We will keep your bio on file.
"I posses nine of what I consider the most important qualities of a good leader and counselor: initiative, high motivation, outstanding organizational skills, self-starter, integrity and good communication skills, team work, caring, and ability to conduct a program to its fullest. My easy going nature and ability to get along with people, would certainly contribute to my ability as a counselor to function both as a friend and a mentor."
It then went into detailing his date of birth and went into everything from where his mother was from to the shul he went to as a child. It chronicled his rise in the ranks of the boy scouts and his desire to become a pilot (which he did do in case you're curious).
"From first grade through fifth grade I was in Cub Scouts, and then proceeded onto Boy Scouts, where I earned the rank of an Eagle Scout the highest rank a scout can earn. During my time in Cub Scouts I earned the religious Jewish Aleph Medal, and later in Boy Scouts achieved the Ner-Tamid Award. From age 14 to 21 I was a member of the Explorer Scouts. Now at 28, I am an adult leader, and continuing to donate my time in the interest of our youth. In my sophomore and junior year in college I took two classes concerning the history of the Jewish people, from ancient times to the present. (sample available upon reqest)"
Yes, you read correctly, he offered up a writing sample! What? This 1,180 word essay isn't enough?!
What was interesting about this e-mail is that not once did he ever ask my friend anything about her and even though the whole e-mail was about him it was so impersonal. So, needless to say this wasn't a match and we all agreed (jokingly) that she should respond with an e-mail that goes something like:
Thank you for your interest, but we have decided to go in another direction. We will keep your bio on file.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Chit Chatting
So I called back "M" (yeah, I am forgoing the alphabet and am just going to use initials) last night and the conversation was very easy. In fact, it felt just like chit chatting with a friend. We did not make firm plans to meet since he wasn't exactly sure of his schedule since he travels alot for work. We decided to talk more later in the week to figure something out. Now, as you all know, I am the worst at remembering the details of these conversations. But I do remember that we talked about our jobs, my dog (the cutest thing ever!), his having been married and now living at home, and food (perhaps my favorite topic). Well, like I said, it was just easy to talk to him, so we shall see what happens.
In other Jdating news...I was online with a friend of mine and we decided to IM a bunch of people on Jdate. And one of them actually IMed back! So we chatted a bit and he asked for my number. We have been playing telephone tag the last couple of days, he calls, I call, he calls. So now it is my turn and I am going to call him tonight. If I talk to him of course I will let you know how it goes!!
In other Jdating news...I was online with a friend of mine and we decided to IM a bunch of people on Jdate. And one of them actually IMed back! So we chatted a bit and he asked for my number. We have been playing telephone tag the last couple of days, he calls, I call, he calls. So now it is my turn and I am going to call him tonight. If I talk to him of course I will let you know how it goes!!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
!
So I was away for the past two weeks with my family in Saratoga Springs, NY. If you have not been there, you should! I love getting out of the city for a while and just getting the chance to relax. However, when I have my Jewish mother and littlest sister there to Jdate with me, relaxing wasn't really on the agenda. They decided to become my new accomplices for one night and took it upon themselves to Jdate for me.
So one night we sat on the computer while they looked up possible future son-in laws (right mom?). My sister picked someone she though would be good and sent him an e-mail as myself. It took her the better part of an hour to come up with a one line gem about food that was actually very cute and did get a response! Although once she was done she decided to look for people for herself as she deemed the whole online thing too difficult (thanks, that's what I have been trying to say). Okay, so back to the e-mail...as I said it was cute and I am sure got this guy's attention, so he responded. I showed my mom and sister and they told me I had to respond right away with my phone number. So I did, and here is what I wrote:
Sounds good. Give me a call sometime xxx-xxx-xxxx
LMG
Well, that caused all sorts of issues as my little sister went off on me about not using a smiley face or exclamation point! She told me I basically suck at this and no wonder he hadn't called a few days later. Well, guess who gets the last laugh here? ME! He called while I was out last night and I am going to call him back tonight. So no exclamation point needed.
So one night we sat on the computer while they looked up possible future son-in laws (right mom?). My sister picked someone she though would be good and sent him an e-mail as myself. It took her the better part of an hour to come up with a one line gem about food that was actually very cute and did get a response! Although once she was done she decided to look for people for herself as she deemed the whole online thing too difficult (thanks, that's what I have been trying to say). Okay, so back to the e-mail...as I said it was cute and I am sure got this guy's attention, so he responded. I showed my mom and sister and they told me I had to respond right away with my phone number. So I did, and here is what I wrote:
Sounds good. Give me a call sometime xxx-xxx-xxxx
LMG
Well, that caused all sorts of issues as my little sister went off on me about not using a smiley face or exclamation point! She told me I basically suck at this and no wonder he hadn't called a few days later. Well, guess who gets the last laugh here? ME! He called while I was out last night and I am going to call him back tonight. So no exclamation point needed.
In other bloggy news, Poppy turned one! How cute! (many exclamation points!!!)
Friday, June 25, 2010
The Age Gap
I signed onto my Jdate account today to see if I could find any fun matches before my mom comes into town this weekend. I love you mom, but I know Jdating with you is going to be like a trip to Dr. Rosen (dentist)! Anyway, I clicked on the matches tab and started to look around when I noticed a tab I had not seen before (probably cause I wasn't looking too closely). Anyway, it said "Who's Searching for You?" Yes please! I will just click on this tab and see who has been looking for a fabulous girl like me. Basically, things I put in my profile match the things these men are looking for. I don't think it could be any more simple!
Of course I was wrong. Just because I fit what these men were looking for didn't mean it worked the other way. Out of one page of these "matches" only three or so (averaging) would be in my age range. Most of them were in their early 20's (looking for a cougar, which I don't classify myself as, I'm only 30 geez!) or in their mid to late 50's (which is right about my mom's age so that is just not okay). That is really quite the age gap! Not too many 30-40 year olds looking for this LMG. Oh well. Now, I am not giving up, my goal for today to is to find five of these men who have been searching for me and let them know their search is over!
Of course I was wrong. Just because I fit what these men were looking for didn't mean it worked the other way. Out of one page of these "matches" only three or so (averaging) would be in my age range. Most of them were in their early 20's (looking for a cougar, which I don't classify myself as, I'm only 30 geez!) or in their mid to late 50's (which is right about my mom's age so that is just not okay). That is really quite the age gap! Not too many 30-40 year olds looking for this LMG. Oh well. Now, I am not giving up, my goal for today to is to find five of these men who have been searching for me and let them know their search is over!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Guilt Trip
I was recently chatting with my accomplice about "Operation 3.1" and I realized I gave her a bit of a guilt trip. Lately I have been feeling like I am not sure what to do with this whole thing. I signed back onto Jdate and I have been checking it out. I have even e-mailed and IMed a few people. But it just isn't fun anymore and I realized that part of the reason for that is that my accomplice isn't really in on the act anymore. Now, don't get me wrong, I know she has her own life and things to do. I don't expect her to be online with me at all hours going through potential matches when she has a husband, a job, and two fun dogs to take care of. But I miss doing the whole process with her. That is part of what made it so much fun for me.
Going online and searching through all the profiles by myself isn't fun. My mom once told me I had to go on Jdate like it was a job and that is exactly how I am feeling (and for those of you who know how I feel about my job that is a clear indication of how much fun I am having). Looking for a date, a relationship, or just someone fun to hang out with shouldn't feel like a job, should it?
So, I am sorry Accomplice for the guilt trip (again possibly), but I had to share. I hope you read this and we can carve out some fun Jdating time. If not, my mom is coming to visit next week....
Going online and searching through all the profiles by myself isn't fun. My mom once told me I had to go on Jdate like it was a job and that is exactly how I am feeling (and for those of you who know how I feel about my job that is a clear indication of how much fun I am having). Looking for a date, a relationship, or just someone fun to hang out with shouldn't feel like a job, should it?
So, I am sorry Accomplice for the guilt trip (again possibly), but I had to share. I hope you read this and we can carve out some fun Jdating time. If not, my mom is coming to visit next week....
Friday, June 18, 2010
RHONY Moment
I am sorry, I have to admit something. I love the Real Housewives series on Bravo. I'll pretty much take any of them but New York is my all time favorite! I watch these women and am really entertained for an hour every Thursday night. I am actually sad to see them go, thank goodness for the bonus footage next week!! Without getting too into the whole fight and craziness, I also have to say I love Bethenny! She was a single gal trying to navigate her way in NYC and in the last year she has found success in her career, a husband, and a baby (and let's not forget her adorable pup Cookie).
Now, I am not saying I look up to her or anything like that. But I will admit, given that she is 39 and all this happened to her, I don't' feel as much pressure. I was talking to someone earlier today about how I feel like I am constantly trying and working towards things which I can never seem to grasp. She looked at me and said, "you're only 30! You have sooo much time to accomplish so much!" Maybe she is right. Even though 31 is coming at me like a freight train, I have time to accomplish things (#1 being a new job, I know that you thought I would say meet someone didn't you!). I will continue to try to make things happen, I'm not just going to sit back and wait for them to happen to me. But if things don't work out, I will not let it get me down. I have plenty of time!
I also just want to leave you on a funny Housewives note...so here is a list I found on Yahoo that I think sums up the season pretty well.
20 Things we Learned from The Real Housewives of New York City
Now that the three part Real Housewives of New York reunion smackdown is done, we'd like to take this time to reflect on the lessons learned — for they were many. As for how many are actually useful, well, good luck with that.
1. Hate is part of the ecosystem on Kelly Bensimon's planet. (Yes, she really did say that, I had to make sure I heard right)
2. Systematic bullying is never OK. Nor are incoherent YouTube videos. (And what is Systematic Bullying, it doesn't even exist! She is crazy!)
3. Gummi Bears are narcotics.
4. But they aren't a processed food. Again, on Kelly's planet.
5. Ramona Singer is "a little bit" psychic. (That made me laugh)
6. Sonja Morgan is made of awesome. (Yes, she is!)
7. Women in their 80s shouldn't wear ice-skating outfits.
8. Or crash island getaways.
9. Brooklyn has a Fashion Weekend.
10. A chef is a cook.
11. Gotham magazine will hire anyone.
12. Making lemonade out of lemons is hard.
13. Alex McCord is a better woman when Simon is off-camera.
14. Bethenny Frankel has no poker face. (Neither do I according to my accomplice! Oh, Bethenny, we would make great friends!)
15. Andy Cohen has the patience of a saint and the skills of a lion tamer. (And I really want to meet him, anyone know how?)
16. A monogrammed gift bag is a sure sign that someone is trying to kill you.
17. "Yeah, that's what I'm talking about," is music-producer speak for "we'll just Auto-Tune away that soul-killing sound that keeps coming out of your face."
18. Posing nude is a good way to teach your children...something. Possibly shame.
19. Jennifer Gilbert is either too sane or too dull to be a real Real housewife.
And finally...
20. Money can't buy you class.
Okay, I promise that will be my last re-posting of lists I find online. I am going to get back to blogging about me. I just had to share!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Funny, but True....
So it is no secret that I have been doing the online matchmaking thing for a while now (almost two years to be exact). That said, I have read my share of profiles and they do start to resemble one another. However, I think the following item which I found on Craigslist best sums up the online dating profiles I see. Granted it is written by a man about women's profiles, but it is actually pretty accurate regardless.
The Top Ten Most Overused Phrases in Personal Ads
Below is my list of the Top Ten Most Overused Phrases In Personal Ads. If YOUR ad does not contain any of the following phrases, please contact me immediately!
10) "I live life to the fullest!"
(Is this really the most profound philosophical statement you can come up with? Dig a little deeper, Nietzsche.)
9) "Loves to laugh" or "Fun-loving"
(Alright! A person who enjoys laughter and fun. What a rare individual; I must meet her at once. Just once I'd like to see "loves to sob uncontrollably for days on end.")
8) "I'm ____ years old but I look MUCH younger!"
(Sure you do. And if I just did a couple more sit-ups, I could still make the Giants starting lineup. Is self-delusion great or what?)
7) "I'm a down to earth..."
(If I see this phrase one more time, I'll... I'll... I don't know WHAT I'll do! I might be forced to actually turn off my computer and go interact with people in the REAL world. Okay, I probably wouldn't do anything THAT drastic. But you get the idea.)
6) "I can go from jeans to a cocktail dress in 10 minutes!"
(You must be very proud. I can't believe they haven't made this an Olympic event yet.)
5) "I'm a intelegent..."
(If you can't SPELL intelligent... do you see where I'm going with this? Class? Anyone?)
4) "I'm a typical (insert astrological sign here)."
(Astrology? Yeah, it's a science. I think they use it at NASA. I don't even know where to begin here. If you're looking for some insight into the nature of my character, don't ask me what my sign is. Talk to the Easter Bunny, he has the real inside track on me.)
3) "I don't have a pic, but trust me, you won't be disappointed!"
(Trust me, I will.)
2) "Looking for THE ONE" or "Looking for my Soul mate"
(Really? These are the most fresh and original lines you can come up with? Your mother and I had such high hopes for you. Oh well, there's always trade school.)
And the Number One Most Overused Phrase In A Personal Ad is...
1) "Don't worry, I plan to loose [sic] the weight real soon."
(Ok, it's probably just me, but why am I still worried?)
Put them all together, and the end result usually looks something like this....
"Fun-loving, down-to-earth woman with 5 kids from 5 different fathers seeks a intelligent guy who loves to laugh. Must be in shape! I'm temporarily 50 pounds overweight, but don't worry, I plan to loose the weight right after I finish these fries! Must look like Brad Pitt and be no older than 35! I'm 49 but I look MUCH younger! I don't have a pic, but trust me, you won't be disappointed! I'm a Libra so I live life to the fullest! I get along best with Geminis who have six-figure incomes! Must have a big heart and a bigger house, cuz the landlord just kicked us out!"
(Well, as long you have realistic expectations.)
The Top Ten Most Overused Phrases in Personal Ads
Below is my list of the Top Ten Most Overused Phrases In Personal Ads. If YOUR ad does not contain any of the following phrases, please contact me immediately!
10) "I live life to the fullest!"
(Is this really the most profound philosophical statement you can come up with? Dig a little deeper, Nietzsche.)
9) "Loves to laugh" or "Fun-loving"
(Alright! A person who enjoys laughter and fun. What a rare individual; I must meet her at once. Just once I'd like to see "loves to sob uncontrollably for days on end.")
8) "I'm ____ years old but I look MUCH younger!"
(Sure you do. And if I just did a couple more sit-ups, I could still make the Giants starting lineup. Is self-delusion great or what?)
7) "I'm a down to earth..."
(If I see this phrase one more time, I'll... I'll... I don't know WHAT I'll do! I might be forced to actually turn off my computer and go interact with people in the REAL world. Okay, I probably wouldn't do anything THAT drastic. But you get the idea.)
6) "I can go from jeans to a cocktail dress in 10 minutes!"
(You must be very proud. I can't believe they haven't made this an Olympic event yet.)
5) "I'm a intelegent..."
(If you can't SPELL intelligent... do you see where I'm going with this? Class? Anyone?)
4) "I'm a typical (insert astrological sign here)."
(Astrology? Yeah, it's a science. I think they use it at NASA. I don't even know where to begin here. If you're looking for some insight into the nature of my character, don't ask me what my sign is. Talk to the Easter Bunny, he has the real inside track on me.)
3) "I don't have a pic, but trust me, you won't be disappointed!"
(Trust me, I will.)
2) "Looking for THE ONE" or "Looking for my Soul mate"
(Really? These are the most fresh and original lines you can come up with? Your mother and I had such high hopes for you. Oh well, there's always trade school.)
And the Number One Most Overused Phrase In A Personal Ad is...
1) "Don't worry, I plan to loose [sic] the weight real soon."
(Ok, it's probably just me, but why am I still worried?)
Put them all together, and the end result usually looks something like this....
"Fun-loving, down-to-earth woman with 5 kids from 5 different fathers seeks a intelligent guy who loves to laugh. Must be in shape! I'm temporarily 50 pounds overweight, but don't worry, I plan to loose the weight right after I finish these fries! Must look like Brad Pitt and be no older than 35! I'm 49 but I look MUCH younger! I don't have a pic, but trust me, you won't be disappointed! I'm a Libra so I live life to the fullest! I get along best with Geminis who have six-figure incomes! Must have a big heart and a bigger house, cuz the landlord just kicked us out!"
(Well, as long you have realistic expectations.)
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Is it a Sign?
So I came home and checked my mail only to find this inside my mail box...
Now, I don't subscribe to any magazines at the moment (a money saving idea) and I surely have no reason to subscribe to "The Knot." I was a bit confused. When I looked at the address label, it was my apartment so that was right. It was only the name that was wrong. Since I have moved into my new place, I have gotten mail for quite a few former residents. But this is the first magazine I have gotten. I thought that most people make sure their magazines follow them to their new place. Anyway, I promptly called my accomplice because I was laughing so hard that this of all magazines found its way to me (I mean a "People" or even "Us Weekly" would have been a welcome distraction!). We had a good laugh over the mistake and also wondered...is it a sign? My accomplice said it might be just that! Given that the girl who used to live here (and may want her magazine back) may have gotten engaged and moved out. Who knows? Does this mean that something is going to happen for LMG?
Now, I don't subscribe to any magazines at the moment (a money saving idea) and I surely have no reason to subscribe to "The Knot." I was a bit confused. When I looked at the address label, it was my apartment so that was right. It was only the name that was wrong. Since I have moved into my new place, I have gotten mail for quite a few former residents. But this is the first magazine I have gotten. I thought that most people make sure their magazines follow them to their new place. Anyway, I promptly called my accomplice because I was laughing so hard that this of all magazines found its way to me (I mean a "People" or even "Us Weekly" would have been a welcome distraction!). We had a good laugh over the mistake and also wondered...is it a sign? My accomplice said it might be just that! Given that the girl who used to live here (and may want her magazine back) may have gotten engaged and moved out. Who knows? Does this mean that something is going to happen for LMG?
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