Yup...Love Love Love. That word has been said and said again between M and I. A few weeks ago, I was walking home from work and listening to my ipod when like a ton of bricks I realized that I loved M. I didn't say anything and we went off to Bear Mountain for Crusher's wedding. M was wonderful and I really did fall in love with him when he said "I feel like our meeting and our relationship is like a movie...actually because it's with you, it would be a musical." (for those of you who know me, you know how I feel about musicals!!) But, for some reason I just couldn't say it. It was not an issue of wanting him to say it first, I think I was just scared to let him know how I was feeling.
Then the next weekend we up to his Alma mater with some friends of his for a football game. After a VERY long drive, we headed out to their favorite bar where I watched as he and his fraternity brother chatted and I got to know the other people with us. Every now and then I would catch M looking at me and he would just smile. I think that's when I knew he loved me too. At the end of the night the bar plays a song that reminds me of my grandfather every time I hear it. I started to cry, a little at first, then full blown water works. M just held me and let me use his shoulder as a tissue. He knew that this part of the night would be hard for me as it had been exactly one year since my grandfather's passing, so hearing what I always thought of as 'his song' was really sad. When we got back to the hotel, M looked at me and just said, "I can't keep it in anymore, I love you" and I just smiled and said it right back, and told him that I had been feeling it for a while. The rest of the weekend was kind of blur of football, drinking, and eating.
We went apple picking and to a pumpkin patch on the way back to NYC and the whole time I was thinking, "He loves me...woo hoo!!"
During the week we talked almost daily (which has been going on for a while). Then on Thursday night we ordered in dinner and just watched TV together. He got some work done and I worked on looking for a new job (nothing new there). On Friday night we had a late Shabbat dinner at my friends M&J's place, with their adorable baby S! She is such a cutie, I loved getting to spend some time with her and watch her smile and try to eat her little fingers. We enjoyed a great dinner and wonderful conversation and I think they liked M. I know he liked my friends and had a great time with them. Saturday we had a late breakfast before I had to go to work, we met up later that night to head out to NJ to act as chaperons to his brother and sister's Halloween party. Heading back into the city on Sunday morning, I couldn't help thinking about what it would be like to really make a life with M. I had never though about that kind of stuff before, I almost refused to allow myself to think about it. Telling myself that all of it just might not happen for me. but with M, I can't help it! I want see what it would be like, I want to be with him, start a life with him, have all of those things I never thought I would.
I can't say that I know what is going to happen, but I am so happy and so excited to see what happens next.