Friday, June 25, 2010
Of course I was wrong. Just because I fit what these men were looking for didn't mean it worked the other way. Out of one page of these "matches" only three or so (averaging) would be in my age range. Most of them were in their early 20's (looking for a cougar, which I don't classify myself as, I'm only 30 geez!) or in their mid to late 50's (which is right about my mom's age so that is just not okay). That is really quite the age gap! Not too many 30-40 year olds looking for this LMG. Oh well. Now, I am not giving up, my goal for today to is to find five of these men who have been searching for me and let them know their search is over!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Going online and searching through all the profiles by myself isn't fun. My mom once told me I had to go on Jdate like it was a job and that is exactly how I am feeling (and for those of you who know how I feel about my job that is a clear indication of how much fun I am having). Looking for a date, a relationship, or just someone fun to hang out with shouldn't feel like a job, should it?
So, I am sorry Accomplice for the guilt trip (again possibly), but I had to share. I hope you read this and we can carve out some fun Jdating time. If not, my mom is coming to visit next week....
Friday, June 18, 2010
Now, I am not saying I look up to her or anything like that. But I will admit, given that she is 39 and all this happened to her, I don't' feel as much pressure. I was talking to someone earlier today about how I feel like I am constantly trying and working towards things which I can never seem to grasp. She looked at me and said, "you're only 30! You have sooo much time to accomplish so much!" Maybe she is right. Even though 31 is coming at me like a freight train, I have time to accomplish things (#1 being a new job, I know that you thought I would say meet someone didn't you!). I will continue to try to make things happen, I'm not just going to sit back and wait for them to happen to me. But if things don't work out, I will not let it get me down. I have plenty of time!
I also just want to leave you on a funny Housewives note...so here is a list I found on Yahoo that I think sums up the season pretty well.
20 Things we Learned from The Real Housewives of New York City
Now that the three part Real Housewives of New York reunion smackdown is done, we'd like to take this time to reflect on the lessons learned — for they were many. As for how many are actually useful, well, good luck with that.
1. Hate is part of the ecosystem on Kelly Bensimon's planet. (Yes, she really did say that, I had to make sure I heard right)
2. Systematic bullying is never OK. Nor are incoherent YouTube videos. (And what is Systematic Bullying, it doesn't even exist! She is crazy!)
3. Gummi Bears are narcotics.
4. But they aren't a processed food. Again, on Kelly's planet.
5. Ramona Singer is "a little bit" psychic. (That made me laugh)
6. Sonja Morgan is made of awesome. (Yes, she is!)
7. Women in their 80s shouldn't wear ice-skating outfits.
8. Or crash island getaways.
9. Brooklyn has a Fashion Weekend.
10. A chef is a cook.
11. Gotham magazine will hire anyone.
12. Making lemonade out of lemons is hard.
13. Alex McCord is a better woman when Simon is off-camera.
14. Bethenny Frankel has no poker face. (Neither do I according to my accomplice! Oh, Bethenny, we would make great friends!)
15. Andy Cohen has the patience of a saint and the skills of a lion tamer. (And I really want to meet him, anyone know how?)
16. A monogrammed gift bag is a sure sign that someone is trying to kill you.
17. "Yeah, that's what I'm talking about," is music-producer speak for "we'll just Auto-Tune away that soul-killing sound that keeps coming out of your face."
18. Posing nude is a good way to teach your children...something. Possibly shame.
19. Jennifer Gilbert is either too sane or too dull to be a real Real housewife.
20. Money can't buy you class.
Okay, I promise that will be my last re-posting of lists I find online. I am going to get back to blogging about me. I just had to share!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
The Top Ten Most Overused Phrases in Personal Ads
Below is my list of the Top Ten Most Overused Phrases In Personal Ads. If YOUR ad does not contain any of the following phrases, please contact me immediately!
10) "I live life to the fullest!"
(Is this really the most profound philosophical statement you can come up with? Dig a little deeper, Nietzsche.)
9) "Loves to laugh" or "Fun-loving"
(Alright! A person who enjoys laughter and fun. What a rare individual; I must meet her at once. Just once I'd like to see "loves to sob uncontrollably for days on end.")
8) "I'm ____ years old but I look MUCH younger!"
(Sure you do. And if I just did a couple more sit-ups, I could still make the Giants starting lineup. Is self-delusion great or what?)
7) "I'm a down to earth..."
(If I see this phrase one more time, I'll... I'll... I don't know WHAT I'll do! I might be forced to actually turn off my computer and go interact with people in the REAL world. Okay, I probably wouldn't do anything THAT drastic. But you get the idea.)
6) "I can go from jeans to a cocktail dress in 10 minutes!"
(You must be very proud. I can't believe they haven't made this an Olympic event yet.)
5) "I'm a intelegent..."
(If you can't SPELL intelligent... do you see where I'm going with this? Class? Anyone?)
4) "I'm a typical (insert astrological sign here)."
(Astrology? Yeah, it's a science. I think they use it at NASA. I don't even know where to begin here. If you're looking for some insight into the nature of my character, don't ask me what my sign is. Talk to the Easter Bunny, he has the real inside track on me.)
3) "I don't have a pic, but trust me, you won't be disappointed!"
(Trust me, I will.)
2) "Looking for THE ONE" or "Looking for my Soul mate"
(Really? These are the most fresh and original lines you can come up with? Your mother and I had such high hopes for you. Oh well, there's always trade school.)
And the Number One Most Overused Phrase In A Personal Ad is...
1) "Don't worry, I plan to loose [sic] the weight real soon."
(Ok, it's probably just me, but why am I still worried?)
Put them all together, and the end result usually looks something like this....
"Fun-loving, down-to-earth woman with 5 kids from 5 different fathers seeks a intelligent guy who loves to laugh. Must be in shape! I'm temporarily 50 pounds overweight, but don't worry, I plan to loose the weight right after I finish these fries! Must look like Brad Pitt and be no older than 35! I'm 49 but I look MUCH younger! I don't have a pic, but trust me, you won't be disappointed! I'm a Libra so I live life to the fullest! I get along best with Geminis who have six-figure incomes! Must have a big heart and a bigger house, cuz the landlord just kicked us out!"
(Well, as long you have realistic expectations.)
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Now, I don't subscribe to any magazines at the moment (a money saving idea) and I surely have no reason to subscribe to "The Knot." I was a bit confused. When I looked at the address label, it was my apartment so that was right. It was only the name that was wrong. Since I have moved into my new place, I have gotten mail for quite a few former residents. But this is the first magazine I have gotten. I thought that most people make sure their magazines follow them to their new place. Anyway, I promptly called my accomplice because I was laughing so hard that this of all magazines found its way to me (I mean a "People" or even "Us Weekly" would have been a welcome distraction!). We had a good laugh over the mistake and also wondered...is it a sign? My accomplice said it might be just that! Given that the girl who used to live here (and may want her magazine back) may have gotten engaged and moved out. Who knows? Does this mean that something is going to happen for LMG?