Thursday, June 17, 2010

Funny, but True....

So it is no secret that I have been doing the online matchmaking thing for a while now (almost two years to be exact). That said, I have read my share of profiles and they do start to resemble one another. However, I think the following item which I found on Craigslist best sums up the online dating profiles I see. Granted it is written by a man about women's profiles, but it is actually pretty accurate regardless.

The Top Ten Most Overused Phrases in Personal Ads

Below is my list of the Top Ten Most Overused Phrases In Personal Ads. If YOUR ad does not contain any of the following phrases, please contact me immediately!

10) "I live life to the fullest!"
(Is this really the most profound philosophical statement you can come up with? Dig a little deeper, Nietzsche.)

9) "Loves to laugh" or "Fun-loving"
(Alright! A person who enjoys laughter and fun. What a rare individual; I must meet her at once. Just once I'd like to see "loves to sob uncontrollably for days on end.")

8) "I'm ____ years old but I look MUCH younger!"
(Sure you do. And if I just did a couple more sit-ups, I could still make the Giants starting lineup. Is self-delusion great or what?)

7) "I'm a down to earth..."
(If I see this phrase one more time, I'll... I'll... I don't know WHAT I'll do! I might be forced to actually turn off my computer and go interact with people in the REAL world. Okay, I probably wouldn't do anything THAT drastic. But you get the idea.)

6) "I can go from jeans to a cocktail dress in 10 minutes!"
(You must be very proud. I can't believe they haven't made this an Olympic event yet.)

5) "I'm a intelegent..."
(If you can't SPELL intelligent... do you see where I'm going with this? Class? Anyone?)

4) "I'm a typical (insert astrological sign here)."
(Astrology? Yeah, it's a science. I think they use it at NASA. I don't even know where to begin here. If you're looking for some insight into the nature of my character, don't ask me what my sign is. Talk to the Easter Bunny, he has the real inside track on me.)

3) "I don't have a pic, but trust me, you won't be disappointed!"
(Trust me, I will.)

2) "Looking for THE ONE" or "Looking for my Soul mate"
(Really? These are the most fresh and original lines you can come up with? Your mother and I had such high hopes for you. Oh well, there's always trade school.)

And the Number One Most Overused Phrase In A Personal Ad is...
1) "Don't worry, I plan to loose [sic] the weight real soon."
(Ok, it's probably just me, but why am I still worried?)

Put them all together, and the end result usually looks something like this....

"Fun-loving, down-to-earth woman with 5 kids from 5 different fathers seeks a intelligent guy who loves to laugh. Must be in shape! I'm temporarily 50 pounds overweight, but don't worry, I plan to loose the weight right after I finish these fries! Must look like Brad Pitt and be no older than 35! I'm 49 but I look MUCH younger! I don't have a pic, but trust me, you won't be disappointed! I'm a Libra so I live life to the fullest! I get along best with Geminis who have six-figure incomes! Must have a big heart and a bigger house, cuz the landlord just kicked us out!"

(Well, as long you have realistic expectations.)


Dee Stephens said...

OMG!!! I was laughing out loud!! Seriously.. made my day and I forwarded it to friends. Clever, funny and TRUE!!!

MCW said...

LOL. I think for guys it is "I love to travel" They talk about traveling all over the world all of the time. How do they hold a job???

MCW said...

PS - getting together with a few bloggers at Shake Shake on Tuesday if you can come!