So, I have not heard from "F" and while there are so many things I never said to him, I can vent here and then move on....
For me, it just makes no sense for someone to be acting this way, especially someone who was self aware enough to say that he has done this in the past and doesn't want to repeat the same mistakes he has made....newsflash! you are repeating them, and karma is a bitch! And its frustrating for me personally (not his fault) that I opened myself to this being hurt...I know its part of relationships, and I know will probably be hurt again, it just sucks especially Because I told him that I am very careful and I told him that getting closer to him was scary, and the minute I did finally get there, that's when he decided to pull this shit...and its not fair although rationally I know fair has nothing to do with it. I am just venting and I have to say, it really feels great! I don't think I will get the chance to say these things to "F" it is just nice to have a place to share them.
But what really pisses me off most now, is that I still want him to call me, I would still go out with him, because I know (deep down) that this really has nothing to do with me, and he is clearly going through something...something I can't help with, and clearly I can't be a part of. I hope that whatever "F" is going through with his job and with his family works itself out. And I hope that he gets a better coping mechanism to deal with rough situations that can and will come up in the future.
Some people have mentioned I should try again with him, but I just don't know what to say at this point. I don't know how to make it more clear to him that I do care about him and I want to be there for him. So I think I just have to let it go and move forward on my own. Should he realize his mistake (yeah, seriously "F" big mistake!) then I can decide how to move forward from there, but now is a different issue.
So Little Match Girl is trying to move on. I have two friends who recently signed up for eHarmony, so I am willing to give that shot. And I still have my match.com membership for another month or two. I just don't want to crawl into a hole and cry about this. Am I sad about it? Yes. But I know that this is a part of relationships, and perhaps this one was not meant to be. There is someone out there for me, I think I am pretty awesome, so now I just have to find that person who thinks the same! :-)