My Ice Cream Sundae

So lately I feel like I have been getting served scoop after scoop of crap in the life department. And I really just feel like all I waiting for is the cherry on top, since there really hasn't been much going my way. It is really like I just cannot catch a break! I know that it is the holiday season and most people are counting their blessings, and trust me, I know that I am very lucky in alot of things. I just feel like this ice cream sundae of disappointments is getting to be bigger than I can eat. And while I have promised my mom and my accomplice that I am doing better, I just need to rant about it all here and maybe just maybe that can be the end of it!

So, where to begin? I feel like I was on a really positive note when my 30th rolled around. I did something good for other people. I felt like my 30th year was going to be great! Well, a month later my grandfather died and I would be lying if I said I am over it. I still think about him everyday. I have a picture of us together in Poland sitting on my desk at work. I would like to think he is looking out for me, but given whats been going on, I think he may be napping (its okay, he is probably tired).

At the same time that my grandfather's health took a turn for the worse, I found a job posting that I knew was for me. It was back home in Miami, still in my field (which there are soooo few jobs in), and perfect for me! I was interviewed via telephone the day before his death and next thing I knew was being flown down to Miami not once, but twice for more interviews and to meet with the leaders of the organization. I knew I aced every single one of the interviews. I felt like there were signs everywhere telling me that this job was mine, from the big white bird waiting outside for me the day of the final interview to the fortune cookies from Chinese food the night before. Well, needless to say, I didn't get the job. After talking to me so much about how they wanted to get young people involved they hired a woman double my age (young people indeed)!! The next day (while still reeling from the rejection) my boss sent out a memo saying that we would be cutting back the work week to four days a week and getting paid accordingly. Now anyone who lives in New York City knows that losing 20% of one's monthly salary is quite a blow. I barely make enough as it is working in the not for profit world. Don't get me wrong, I never expected to make it big, but its a huge loss for me. Just another scoop on my sundae! Still hungry? Good, cause there is more. Literally the next day my roommate tells me she is going to be moving out in March so I should start looking for a new roommate. WTF?! Really?! Who moves in March? Its going to be a pain in the ass to find a new roommate (so fellow NYC bloggers, if you know anyone, pass it along!).

Okay, I think that's it. That's my ice cream sundae of poop! I would like that to be it. If there is going to be a cherry, I do hope its actually something sweet.

My Thoughts on eHarmony

So, as you know I have let my membership to eHarmony expire. I mean it was really expensive and for the time and money that I put into it, frankly I was expecting more. I would get matched with people on a semi-daily basis. Most of the people I was matched with were just so not my type. This goes from geographically, to their picture, to just things in their profile that totally turned me off. So that leaves the very few I was interested in. I followed the eHarmony rules of communication and sent first round questions to them. I heard back from very few of them. I realized that alot of these people probably are not even paying for the service and only use it on those "Free Communication" weekends that they have. I got to the final round of communication with only a handful (if that) of my matches and even then, never even got to the point of going on a date with any of them! Not to mention the fact that very few people ever initiated contact with me, so I really felt like the whole thing was just a waste.
Now that I have let me membership lapse however, I am getting matches upon matches sent daily!! Of course I have to be a paying member to see their photos, but I can read their profiles. I also have gotten quite a few people requesting to start communication with me. Of course I have to be a paying member to do that as well.
Well, I'm sorry eHarmony, you will not get another cent out of me! I'll be like the countless of other non-paying members and wait until you have some special weekend to give away free communication. How about Christmas? It may be a perfect time for this Jewish girl to find her match (thanks Santa!).

An Award!?!

Wow! Thanks to Amber over at A Little of What You Fancy Does You Good for giving me my first blogging award! Right now I feel like I don't deserve it since I have been MIA.

Anyway, the rules are simple, I just have to write ten interesting things about myself and then pass along the award to 10 other bloggers. Well, right off the bat, I am passing this along to all of you! Since reading interesting things about all bloggers is fun for me! Okay, so here goes my list....

1. I don't like chocolate. I know people think its totally strange, but it is true. If given the choice I would pick vanilla, strawberry, or pistachio (yum!) ice-cream first! As for candy, I can eat a Snickers every now and again, but I think that's only because there are peanuts.

2. I am addicted to two things: Diet Coke and TV.

3. As you know I am Jewish, but every year I go up to Essex, MA and spend Christmas with my accomplice and her family. I have a stocking and everything, and its always "ham"demonium!! I love everything about it, and when the two holidays overlap, we light Hanukkah candles and make latkes (best of both worlds).

4. I am a huge college football fan! In fact, I didn't apply to any schools with football so that I could always wear blue and orange. Go Gators!

5. I love my new dog Poppy Leigh (her middle name is in honor of my grandfather Leo). She is the best birthday present I have ever gotten, and I highly recommend dog ownership to anyone considering it. She is the cutest thing ever!! And leaving her for even a couple of days just about broke my heart.

6. My new favorite show on TV is "Glee" I am a huge Gleek! If you have not seen this show yet, please do. This coming Wed is that last episode until April! I cannot even believe that I can't watch "Glee" for so long because of "American Idol" which is probably my least favorite show on TV (see how true #2 is now?).

7. Coming up with ten things about myself that I think might be interesting is alot harder than I thought it would be!!

8. I hold dual citizenship with Israel and the United States. In fact I just looked at my Israeli passport and it expires in January 2010, which means I better get a quick trip in! Or really, just get a new one. Thanks goodness because that picture was awful! Now I just get to wait until 2012 to change the US one and hopefully all awful passport photos will be a thing of the past.

9. I played rugby in college. I wasn't that good, and usually didn't even get to play in games since I was second string and the person who held my position NEVER liked to be taken out of a game. I mean even when my parents came to visit she threw a fit when I asked if I could play for a bit. Whatever, I really just liked it because I made some great friends (hello accomplice) and got to have a great time with them (yes, that means a ton of drinking).

10. I love to cook (but not bake). I can follow a recipe or just make something up, but I love to have everything come together and make a good meal. Having people try things I make in the kitchen makes me happy. I actually look forward to the day that I do meet someone and cooking is something I can do for them (sappy I know, but true).

Okay, so that is the ten things. I hope that you'll take a minute to share some things about yourself too! And don't worry, I am going to be better about blogging!!

Attention Married Men...

Please stay away from me! I don't know what it is about me, but I have had quite a few married men hit on me in the last few years. Now, while it may be flattering to have someone interested, this is not what I am looking for. I don't know if perhaps I am putting something out there (I really don't think I am by the way), but married men seem to be the only men interested in me.

A few years ago I went to a conference for work where I met a very interesting man. We spent much of the conference together, talking (I promise!!) and we did have drinks with his father who was also there. When I returned home, this man proceeded to call me all the time and even went so far as to send me flowers and a birthday present! And while I haven't heard from him in a while, every now and then he pops up and asks how I am doing. You know what? i would be doing better if you left me alone!

I also met another man through work who I was very intimidated by. He worked for an organization that I was very interested in and we got to work and travel together (with other people) for a project. Eventually we became friends and shared stuff about our personal lives. I heard all about his wife and daughter and was really feeling like we were good friends. Until he came to New York for a work conference and we went to dinner. It was there he told me that he was feeling things for me he knew were wrong and that he didn't know if we could be friends anymore. I told him that was fine and I understood, although I really didn't. Had I done something to give him the wrong impression? This was someone in my field whom I respected and liked as a friend. Time has passed and we will check in every couple of months just as friends. But there was a period there where I was like, "WTF?!"

Recently, we had another event for work and I was introduced to the people from the venue who I would be working with on my part of the event. I became friendly with one of them and we went out for drinks. Then he started calling me, telling me I was beautiful, and making things a little uncomfortable. Finally, yesterday I sat him down and told him nothing was ever going to happen. That is not what I am looking for, and he is a good person and I know it is not really what he wants either. He agreed and while we probably won't be friends, I do wish him the best as he does me.

But really, that is way too many married men!! I know my accomplice (and some friends) will be mad I never told them some of this stuff. I guess I was embarrassed. I really was feeling like I did something wrong and while I know you won't judge me, I was scared. I am just hoping in the future that the men I meet will be single and the married ones will know their place!

Say Cheese!

Yes, as many of you know I love cheese! Well, my fellow blogger over at Saving the Best for Last is doing a great cheese give away! Please go over and check it out!

Yum...doesn't that look delicious?!

And, yes I know I haven't really blogged in a while. After everything that had been going on, I just needed a break from thinking about the whole Operation. My mom and sister even called the other day to ask if I am doing anything and why I have not updated. I mean, its one thing when my accomplice gets on my case, but my mother? Oy! I told her I am done with match.com and eHarmony but, I am ready to get back into it, and I will be updating very shortly!

An Offer You Can't Refuse...

So, someone from S Factor read my blog post about the class I took a few weeks ago. First off, I was just so excited to see that they were reading, but then they sent me a special code for all of you readers. Just sign up for an introductory class and enter the code "littlematch09" and you'll get 50% off the class. So you'll be saving money, getting a great workout, and a self esteem boost! I really encourage all of you to try out an S Factor class as soon as you can!



Check them out! You can learn to do that....






















http://www.sfactor.com/


And when you go, let me know what you thought.

A Broken Heart

I am sorry I haven't posted, my accomplice had to remind me to even write something. But I don't have much to say at the moment, other than some sad news.

My amazing grandfather passed away last weekend. So I was home for the funeral and to sit Shiva with my family. I am still really sad and in a way my heart is broken. I was the oldest grandchild, and I always felt a special connection to my grandfather. So while this hasn't really been a shock, it has been sad and difficult. So in honor and memory, let me share with you a little about my Grandpa....

Grandpa was born in Lodz, Poland in 1925. He survived the Lodz Ghetto (the last ghetto to be liquidated during the Holocaust) by hiding underground with his family. After the war he spent some time in Italy and then Canada where he met and married my grandmother. Together they made their way to Miami, FL where they started their family. My grandfather's hometown of Lodz was an industrial city, so he was a skilled tool and die maker. He eventually turned his skills into a profitable business by designing and manufacturing outdoor furniture. I grew up going to visit his factory and remember thinking how big it was. How big my grandpa was. He was a very active member of the South Florida Jewish community, working to make sure our synagogue had room and land to grow, giving money to various causes, and even traveling back to Poland on numerous occasions on the March of the Living which became his cause of choice.
Beyond all of that, he was really just my Grandpa, who would be happy to eat chicken (even with feathers on it) as long as he was surrounded by his family. He taught me the value of education, even though he said he went to "The school of hard knocks" and the importance of leading the Jewish life (it is because of him finding a Jewish man is so important to me). He survived the darkest hour of humanity and brought so much life and light to our family. His presence will be greatly missed, but he will always be loved and never forgotten.

S Factor

A friend of mine called me last week and asked if I wanted to go workout this weekend. Now, I am all for having a gym buddy, especially because I know I usually won't go by myself. So I said sure and asked what she wanted to do. Well I was not expecting her idea...a Pole Dancing Workout! I mean seriously, we are two (not the skinniest) Jewish girls living on the Upper West Side, not exactly the pole dancing type. Well, I wasn't about to back out so on Saturday off we went to S Factor, the gym that specializes in these pole dancing workouts.

Let me tell you something, it was a workout! Between the warm up (hello abdominal muscles) and the general movement I was ready! You have a basic warm up period, getting in touch with your body in a purely empowering way, you learn the "S Walk," and then watch a demo of what the teachers can do. WOW is all I can say, they were climbing on the pole, they held on with just their legs, more than anything I kept thinking what amazing strength this must take. Next thing we knew it was our turn to try a move called the firefly. Frankly, I don't think I can explain it since I had such a hard time being able to do it (I finally got it on my last try). But having the experience of just trying to swing on the pole was really fun! plus there is a great group of women in the room with your ready to cheer you on regardless of how well you do. The next step was a floor/wall routine. I think that may have been my favorite part. I know I probably looked stupid (thank goodness there are no mirrors and the lights are turned down low), but I felt awesome!! Again, it really wasn't a sexual thing at all, but when were done I felt so awesome, like I am one amazing woman (watch out guys!). That feeling was quickly put to rest when I found out how much this whole thing would cost and knew I couldn't keep going.

But, maybe every now and then I'll just go to one of their drop in classes just to get that feeling again! Ladies, if you ever want to have a two hour workout where you walk out feeling like the most confidant woman in the world, then I would highly recommend this class!

Re-Start

So, it is clear I am hitting the "re-start" button on this whole dating thing. I am just wondering right now what that means. I am not loving the whole eHarmony thing, I don't know where they get their matching ideas from. My match.com time has expired. I have tried speed dating and singles mixers. I mean, I even went to Dating Boot Camp! Nothing has really worked for the long term ("F" was great for a time, but moving on...).
What do I do? There is a part of me that thinks I should give up the whole online thing. On the other hand, where else can I go to meet someone? Doesn't the online thing take some of the weeding out process away from me? Should I sign up for match.com again and then collect six free months? Maybe JDate (which I can't say is all that great here in NYC from what I hear)? Do I have to change the things I am looking for? Which, by the way, I don't think is too ridiculous...Male, Jewish, employed, and NOT living at home!!!
I mean, I am definitely feeling more motivated and energized for this whole thing than I have been for a while. Now I just want to know where to move forward. To be clear, I am not ready for the whole marriage and kids thing. But I would just like to have that someone special to call after a long day, to cook with, to spend time with.

The Phone Call

So yes, he did call, and no, I don't think he is someone I will be going out with. Seriously, what is this matching system eHarmony has? I would love to know! Because if it's goal is to match you with someone you have almost NOTHING in common with, then wow, they are awesome! If their goal is to match me with an over thirty year old man, living at home then they have done their job! Okay, now maybe it is not fair to say all that, so instead, I will just give you a bit of a rundown of the conversation.

He called a little bit after 8 on his way home and from the hello, I wasn't sure if it was a guy or a girl on the phone. He had a really high voice, but I know that I can't just write someone off based on that. I may be a little shallow, but I don't think I am that shallow. So we were chatting a bit about our days and what we usually do after work. He mentioned wanting to go on vacation somewhere beachy and loving to hike and spend time outdoors. I mentioned that I don't like the beach (accomplice knows this is VERY true) and am not much for the outdoors, preferring museums, movies, or theater. Seriously eHarmony, what 29 dimensions did we match on, I would love to know! He asked about my apartment and roommates and I asked the same. Here came that lovely refrain I have gotten so used to "Oh, I am living at home." Ugh, not again! Really? His reasoning? Because he has a lifestyle he wants to lead and can't do it right now, so he will just live at home till he saves and gets to a place where he can live the lifestyle he wants. I'm sorry, but if you are over thirty and living at home because you can't live the lifestyle you want, it is time to either change what you are doing so you can achieve that lifestyle or change your lifestyle expectations! I mean, would I love to live in a high rise doorman amenity filled building? Sure, but I can't right now so I live in a walk up, buzz in, two bedroom with a roommate, not with my parents! I didn't say anything, just listened to his reasoning quietly without saying much. I knew, and I think he did too, that this was going to go nowhere and fast. We both said our goodbyes with a vague "maybe we'll get together sometime" and that was it.

So I guess it is back once again to match.com (I think I have a few days left of my free six months) to send a few e-mails. And I still have eHarmony time left, so I'll use their silly guided communication for another month (you know I am so NOT renewing that service). Any other ideas of things to do to meet someone? Maybe some single bloggers can go out for a night on the town?

Open Communication

So on eHarmony after you go through all the steps of questions and lists and yet more questions, you get to the part called "open communication." It is basically where you can start sending e-mails via the eHarmony site and get to know your match better. Well, I finally reached that stage with one person and we have been e-mailing a bit. He seems really nice, and I have to say totally adorable from his pictures. We have just been sharing basic information about we like to do, where we are from, our families, just things like that. I have also given him my number and he asked when a good time was to call. So, readers, what do you think? Will he? Won't he?

I won't lie, I am really hoping he does. Since "F" there really hasn't been too much going on on the dating front and I felt like the blog was getting boring. Not to mention the fact that I was enjoying the whole process. So hopefully things will be picking up and I will have so much more to share as "Operation 3.1" gets underway!!

Say Hello to Poppy!!

So, for the big 3-0 Mom and Dad of Little Match Girl did not know what to get me. And since they can't just go out and order Mr. Right from a catalogue, they thought that a companion was a good idea anyway. So blog followers, say hello to Poppy! My new little Havanese.

Isn't she just too cute?! So, while she is my dog, she is staying with my sister and brother-in-law for a little while until I go home to get her. That is why she is all dressed up for Halloween, I won't do that to her. So, while I don't have a man, I still will have a warm body to share my bed with this winter!!

Congratulations!!

So for those who don't know (and I know I have not updated in a while) "Operation 3.0" has officially become "Operation 3.1." Yes, that's right, I hit the big 3-0 without much fanfare, but with wonderful friends and doing something for a wonderful cause. I spent my 30th doing a thirteen mile walk to raise money for cancer research. I wanted to look back on the big day and think I had done something a little more than just going out for dinner and (lots) of drinks. So, while I will not give out my name, if you are interested in making a donation to a great cause, please go to the JimmyFundWalk page and check it out! Okay now onto the whole reason you're here...

I have been plugging away at eHarmony as you know. I get delivered my matches on an almost daily basis and look at what Dr. Warren thinks is a perfect match. Oh, you know the whole shpeel, you've the seen the nauseating commercials enough times! Anyway, I have opened communication with over twenty different men, only to either be ignored (probably not paying an arm and a leg for their service of meeting me!), closed (we have gone over this before), or the very rare answer. So now I am on the final step of communication with one guy and we'll see what happens there. I have to answer his e-mail. But at least I get to say whatever I want and not answer multiple choice questions or anything like that! So, let's call this guy "G" and see where this goes...

Also, I have had a couple of guys initiate communication with me. What I find so humorous about this is that when eHarmony lets you know that someone is interested in you they send you an e-mail. the e-mail basically starts off saying:
Congratulations!! Someone wants to start communication with you!
I don't know why I think its so funny, but I just do! Even better are that the men who do wish to communicate with me are the ones I usually close after looking at their pictures and reading their profiles. Because no, I don't want to start dating a guy who is three or four times my size (and I am no waif), and no I don't want to date the 38 year old unemployed guy. I know this makes me shallow, or maybe I just know what I want (um, attraction, nothing wrong with that!), maybe I don't want to settle. Or maybe as my sister said, I am real and I am just looking for something real too.

A Fun Giveaway!!

Lacey Bean over at Perks of Being a Jap is having a great giveaway on her site. She has been blogging for two years and this is how she is celebrating the milestone! So go over an enter...and while you're there, read her blog, its super cute!!

Closed!

Just a short post to vent for a second. So I have been detailing my process of going through all of the eHarmony steps of communication. Well, today I signed on and one of the people that I had gotten all the way to the last step of communication with closed the match! Meaning he no longer wished to communicate with me. His reason? "Other"

Now, its one thing to have that as the reason if we have never communicated. At that point I know its just because of superficial reasons, I do the same thing. But to close the match for no reason after I have answered your multiple choice questions, sent you my list of things I want or don't want in a relationship, and then carefully answered your open ended questions to make sure that I was being honest and true to who I am while still being a little funny (thats true to me I think)...you close the match with "Other"?! So far eHarmony is turning out to be a big fat DUD!

Oh well, the big birthday is three days away and I plan on enjoying it, eHarmony, Match, speed dating, and all the rest be damned!

Following the Steps

This past weekend I went to see my family. We spent the weekend eating, drinking, eating, watching the horse races, eating, talking, eating, laughing, and did I mention eating?! Seriously, I had meals where I thought I would explode! But they were so worth it, I am a big food person (should I add that to my online profiles?).

Anyway, while away, my mother asked if there was any update on the whole online dating thing. I wish I had something to tell her. But alas, there is nothing really to report. Why, you ask? Well, because I am following the steps laid out by Dr. Warren's steps to communication. I mean after he so painstakingly matched me with this people based on 29 different levels of compatibility, shouldn't I follow his scientific approach? So I have sent questions, answered questions, read the lists and am just waiting to see where all these steps take me. Do I get to go on an actual date at some point or will the steps just take it out of us and we move onto another perfect match?!

No Chemistry?!

So I have been plugging away at this whole eHarmony thing and I have to say I can't say it is all that different from any other online dating site. I mean, you get your matches sent to you and you can review them before you decide if you want to move forward with communication. You can look at their various pictures (some guys posting pics dating back to 2006...not okay) and read what they have to say about themselves, their passions, and their goals. Seems pretty straightforward. Once you decide if you want to communicate you can send that person some introductory multiple choice questions and basically move forward from there.
Here is where it gets interesting...you can also decide that a person is not your match. Basically you've read what they had to say and looked at their photos and decided they are just not for you. Now, I won't lie, I have done that, just closed a match because I just didn't find them attractive (shallow much?). I usually just click that I want to close the match and list my reason as "other." I think people get the point without being cruel, you know? Well, today someone closed their match with me and listed the reason as "I don't feel that the chemistry is there." Yes, because clearly you can sense chemistry from three pictures and my answers to some inane questions. Just click "other" because dude, I wasn't attracted to you and your shortness, baldness, or cross eyes either!

Shallow LMG?

So, I have been back on match.com and signed up for eHarmony. I decided not to let this whole thing with "F" ruin "Operation 3.0" for me and I won't! What I forgot was how disheartening the whole online dating thing is. Let's start with match.com, since its old familiar really.

I will look through countless of profiles, most of which I have already seen, before I find one or two that I would want to e-mail. I won't lie, I haven't sent an e-mail yet. I have winked at a couple of people and I mentioned e-mailing to my accomplice. So hopefully we'll do that this weekend. {Accomplice: if you are reading this then hopefully that means your computer is fixed!!!}

Now, onto eHarmony the new and exciting form of matching based on all sorts of levels of compatibility. I sat through the eight million question survey, paid the overpriced fee and waited for matches to be sent my way. I have heard alot of people say that eHarmony doesn't match Jews, but I have to say, I have gotten quite a number of matches, and I rated religious compatibility as being very important. Now, there is a whole process to this also, you can't just decide to want to e-mail one of your matches. You have to go through three other steps before you reach 'open communication.' So I open my matches daily (some of whom live so far from NY, I wonder if eHarmony owns a map!) and take a look at what I have been offered. I have to say, its been an interesting process. There have not been that many people I really want to communicate with, even if eHarmony thinks we would be a great match! Out of the over thirty people that I ahve been matched with I have sent maybe ten of them the first round of communication questions and of course none of them have responded. I have been sent first round requests from some other matches and I have responded to two of them. But for the most part, I feel like I am so shallow because looks wise? Woah! Not anyone I would ever want to go out with. I am not saying I am a super model, far from it. But eHarmony is kidding itself it thinks that looks are not important at all. I think you do have to find the person you are with attractive. I am not saying my jaw has to fall on the floor because I am matched with some hottie. But I would like to open a profile, or a request for communication and not immideiatly think of "Revenge of the Nerds" and not in a funny way!

Summer Memories

Thanks to a my fellow blogger over at Saving the Best for Last for tagging me in this fun little game! I agree it does help with Blogger's Block, since I don't have much to blog about at the moment. So here goes:

Favorite Summer Movie: So I don't really have a favorite since I can watch movies over and over. But one that has been playing on TV alot recently is "Overboard" with Golie Hawn and Kurt Russel. I never get tired of that movie!

Favorite Summer Cocktail: So my accomplice had this drink at her bridal shower and we called them blushing brides, I think they have another name, I just can't think of it. Basically it is a cocktail made with ruby red vodka, orange juice, a splash of cranberry juice and a champagne floater. Delish! And if you have champagne taste on a beer budget (me) you can just put a splash of ginger ale, its really about the bubbles!

Favorite Summer Song: I don't think I have one, I am not the biggest music person. But I would have to say, just listening to a mix of 80's songs usually makes me happy. So I guess that would be it.

Favorite Summer Meal: I would have to say that I really do love a cookout. Something about a hamburger on the grill just makes me think of summer! Even better if there is some cole slaw, baked beans, corn, and a nice cold beer (Sam's Summer Ale of course!)

Favorite Summer Outfit: I too am not a fan of shorts, but I mean the short short ones. I am a fan of the new Bermudas that have become popular. I do like to wear dresses too in the summer, but I don't like to have my thighs touching, so its really a run off between the two items!

Favorite Summer Reading: Pink Books! You know those books that sit at the front of Barnes and Noble that all have pink covers or a girly picture (shoes) and are about a girl in London (usually) who loses her job and through some quirky maneuvering finds a new calling and meets the love of her life by the end! I know it is a bit embarrassing, but I love them and I can usually get through two or three each week when I have vacation time, so its a guilty summer pleasure!

Favorite Summer Moment(s): I know my accomplice will be shocked by this...but I actually love going out on the boat with her and to the beach. For some reason it really means that it is summer to me. Even though i hat being hot and turn into a lobster after 2.5 seconds, I always have fun! Thank goodness we found those cheap umbrellas at CVS! Of course I also love heading to Saratoga Springs for the races in the summer (although it's better in the fall when I have the house to myself!). Besides that, my favorite summer memories growing up would be going to visit my grandparents in the Cayman Islands (I know, weird that there seems to be a beach theme!). My Saba and Savta are really just such special people and getting to spend the summers with them was always a treat (not to mention tasty...Savta muffins yum!).

So, I guess that's that. I would love to hear some of your answers too, so let me know what your Summer Memories are! And enjoy the rest of your summer!

Ironic? Or just Funny?

So today I signed onto match.com just to see what was going on. I noticed I had a new "wink" from someone so I decided to check out his profile. There was nothing too exciting about it, not bad, not great. Just an average looking and all around average guy looking for a nice Jewish girl (hey, that's me!). So I kept on reading and the part that made me laugh out loud was as follows:
my pets: I have a cock-a-poo named "F", very cute, doesn't shed, best dog in the world!
Yes, that's right, this new potential match has a little pup with the same name as "F." Ironic? Or just plain funny? I thought it was a little funny myself and I might just e-mail this guy back. Who knows? Maybe "F" (the cock-a-poo) and I are meant to be!

LIG (as my mom says...Let It Go)

So, I have not heard from "F" and while there are so many things I never said to him, I can vent here and then move on....
For me, it just makes no sense for someone to be acting this way, especially someone who was self aware enough to say that he has done this in the past and doesn't want to repeat the same mistakes he has made....newsflash! you are repeating them, and karma is a bitch! And its frustrating for me personally (not his fault) that I opened myself to this being hurt...I know its part of relationships, and I know will probably be hurt again, it just sucks especially Because I told him that I am very careful and I told him that getting closer to him was scary, and the minute I did finally get there, that's when he decided to pull this shit...and its not fair although rationally I know fair has nothing to do with it. I am just venting and I have to say, it really feels great! I don't think I will get the chance to say these things to "F" it is just nice to have a place to share them.
But what really pisses me off most now, is that I still want him to call me, I would still go out with him, because I know (deep down) that this really has nothing to do with me, and he is clearly going through something...something I can't help with, and clearly I can't be a part of. I hope that whatever "F" is going through with his job and with his family works itself out. And I hope that he gets a better coping mechanism to deal with rough situations that can and will come up in the future.
Some people have mentioned I should try again with him, but I just don't know what to say at this point. I don't know how to make it more clear to him that I do care about him and I want to be there for him. So I think I just have to let it go and move forward on my own. Should he realize his mistake (yeah, seriously "F" big mistake!) then I can decide how to move forward from there, but now is a different issue.
So Little Match Girl is trying to move on. I have two friends who recently signed up for eHarmony, so I am willing to give that shot. And I still have my match.com membership for another month or two. I just don't want to crawl into a hole and cry about this. Am I sad about it? Yes. But I know that this is a part of relationships, and perhaps this one was not meant to be. There is someone out there for me, I think I am pretty awesome, so now I just have to find that person who thinks the same! :-)

Operation 3.0 is back...?

So, I realized that one month from today "Operation 3.0" will officially become "Operation 3.1" when I will celebrate my birthday. I also realized today that "F" is going through whatever he is going through and I need to move on. We spoke for a bit last night when he called to return my message. It was fine, although a bit of an awkward conversation. It is clear to me that he is unhappy with his job and is letting that permeate the other parts of his life. Well, that can be his choice, but I will now allow that to be mine. If "F" wants to see me again, he'll have to call and ask me out on a date. It will have to be starting from scratch. In the meantime, I am going back to match.com while I have my free months and will be looking for new potential dates. I know it may seem sudden or callous, but I don't feel the need to wallow in something that it seems really has nothing to do with me and I am willing to see what happens. But until he can get it together (or if he can get it together) "Operation 3.0" will be moving forward...

Words of Wisdom from Mom of Little Match Girl

So, I talked to my mom this weekend about everything going on. As some of you know, it has taken me a long time (like almost all of my close to 30 years) to be close to my mom. So clearly its a big deal if I am talking to her about it. Anyway, I was giving her the update about "F" since she forgets I have this blog and doesn't always read it. I told her how I was feeling about everything and that I really do believe this has nothing to do with me. At the same time, I also feel like this is not the way you treat someone who you claim to care about. I don't expect to be the main thing in his life right now given everything he has going on, but a little word here and there wouldn't be a bad thing. Even if he told me, "LMG, I just need some time to deal with whats going on" I think I could deal with that. At least give me the chance to decide if I can. Don't just ignore me. Well, my mom heard what I said. She asked me point blank if regardless of this I liked "F" and wanted to be with him. And the answer is yes, I do. I am so mad to say that, I really don;t want to get hurt. But I like him, he made me open up and I started to really look forward to being with him. I'm not talking marriage and children, but just spending time together, I guess being a couple. So the words of wisdom from my mom were basically:

Fight for what you want. At least give it a shot. If it doesn't work out, then it wasn't meant to, but at least you tried.

So, Mom, thanks for the advice, that's what I am going to do! And hey, if it doesn't work out, then I can be happy with the knowledge that I tried (oh, and that tomorrow my office building is giving away free Ben and Jerry's!!).

Limbo?

I don't know whats going on readers, and your help would be so appreciated! "F" clearly has something going on. I have been the one to call/text this week and he has made no effort to make plans. However, in his defense, he did tell me he was feeling under the weather. He also shared some personal information that is going on with his family at the moment which is more than he has ever done before. Is that enough to make up for his total lack of communication? I talked to my accomplice about it and I realized that I need to be with someone who is a bit more communicative. I am not the kind of girl who needs to see my significant other every minute of every day; I don't need to keep tabs on everything they do. But it would be nice to know, after a couple of days of not speaking, that he was thinking about me, that he wants to see me, that he is just wondering how I am doing. I know he has alot going on at the moment, and I think I have been really good these past couple of weeks by not being pushy. It is just that this is not the guy I started dating a few months ago! I know it hasn't been that long, but he was the one who was so open with his feelings for me. I was holding back. Now that I have let down my walls, and started to really like this guy, he is pulling away. Does it have to do with me? Or is it really just everything else going on? I know I need to say something to him, just letting him know how I am feeling and the things I need if we are going to keep seeing each other. If he can't do that, I guess "Operation 3.0" is back! I mean I still have a few months of free match.com left. And I won't lie, I signed on yesterday with my accomplice just to see, but it felt wrong. So, help me! How did we go from meeting friends to this? What do I do now?!

Meeting the Friends

On Friday night "F" came over and we went out to my friends' apartment for dinner. It was the first time he was meeting any of my friends, and I just thought it would be nice to have it be a relaxed evening. So off we went...
I think things went well, it was just six of us all together and dinner and a very low key thing. Basically sitting on the couch watching what is probably the worst 80's movie of all time! (In case you're wondering it is called "Satisfaction") I think everyone liked "F" and I know he thought the night went fine. We got home and just watched some TV and went to bed. And then in the morning instead of leaving he spent the day with me! I was so surprised! I had mentioned to him last weekend that I would like it if he stayed one day instead of rushing off to do whatever. And he listened and that really meant so much to me.
I am still just sort of going with the flow. I don't know what happened last week, and I am not bringing it up. But I am also taking a step back and letting him come to me when he wants to. I am trying not to be pushy or anything. So, while things were definitely better, I still feel like it is a 'wait and see' situation.

What is going on?!

Things with "F" are totally weird! I have no idea what is going on with him. So there was the whole cancelling of our date last Tuesday. We rescheduled for Friday night. So, on Friday afternoon at 4:30 when my phone rang I was surprised that "F" was calling. He talked about how he was having a bad day and didn't know if we should go out. I could not believe it, was he really calling to cancel again?! I told him I understood that work had been stressful and he was feeling a bit low, but I also said that part of dating someone is seeing them when they are not at their best. I told him I don't expect him to always be in a great mood, and that is part of getting to know someone. I also explained that since he had cancelled before, I was really disappointed and would rather spend time with him even in a bad mood than not see him at all. There was no ultimatum, I just made my opinion known. He told me he would call me back after he got some more work done. And when he did call back he told me he was on his way over.
So, he came over, we went out to dinner and everything was fine. It is just a little off, I don't really know how to explain it. All I can say is, I miss the guy I started dating a few months ago. If "F" is going through something, that's fine, we all have moments where we are not at our best. But communication is so important, just tell me that you're in a funk, or whatever. If it is that you don't want to see me anymore, just say that! Whatever it is, just tell me. Talking to me and just giving me a little explanation is better than being silent and having me try to figure you out for myself.
Anyway, he left on Saturday morning and I asked him if he would be disappearing now. Since he mentioned that he does that when he feels low. He said he hoped not and I haven't talked to him since. He did send me a silly text last night about "The Bachelorette" (yes, I admit I watch it!). So, at least I know he was thinking about me, but there are no plans to see each other. I am not going to push him, I will let him figure it out. Its just a bit frustrating, since he was the one so open about how he was feeling and now that I shared and opened up (and let down quite a few walls) he is the one pulling away. I am giving him his space, but I am scared that in that time, my walls are slowly rebuilding, and having them come down again might not be so simple.

He called!

Thank goodness! He told me he would call me when he was home after work last night. And I won't lie, as the clock ticked past 9:30 I was having serious doubts about whether he would or not. So, I was so shocked when my phone rang at ten minutes to ten and it was "F!!" He explained that work has been totally hectic and that he didn't want to go out and be in a bad mood all night. I have to say that I really appreciated the explanation and I told him that I totally understood. We chatted for a bit and I think things are all right. We are going out this Friday night and I told him that I am staying in town this weekend so I could spend time with him and I am totally excited to see him. I am still trying to think of fun things to do, so any suggestions would be helpful! I just want to make sure he knows that I am totally into him and into taking this relationship further.

Raincheck?

So, after a somewhat off date Thursday night, "F" has now cancelled our date for tonight. And I won't lie, I had some really cute stuff planned! I don't know what is going on! On Thursday we went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and then to dinner. While everything was fine, there was something missing. He just wasn't really there. Usually he is so affectionate, which is just one thing I like about him, but there was none of that. I tried to talk to him about it, but he just kind of ignored it.
Now I will admit, I have not been totally forthcoming with my feelings, but I have been more open with "F" than I can remember being in a very long time. However, I also realize that he may be feeling like I am not really making him a serious part of my life. I think the perfect example of this is that in the time we have been dating I have been gone every weekend except for one. I don't think that sends the best message, and I really didn't even realize it until this past weekend in Boston with my accomplice who had to knock some sense into me.
So, what do I do? I want him to know that I like him and want to see what happens (I was planning on saying all of that tonight!), but how do I do that when I can't see him? I did text him back asking him if he wanted to reschedule for this weekend, hopefully making it clear that I am here for him. What else can I do....any ideas?

Ready to Rock!

Tonight "F" and I are heading out to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Annex where there is an exhibit about John Lennon. Whats funny about it is that "F" had mentioned he had some ideas for dates which we would do when I got back. One of his ideas was for me, and one for him; but he wouldn't tell me what his ideas were. I called him a few days later and told him I had a fun idea of something we should do that was so perfect for him. He asked if it was the Rock Annex and I was totally pissed that my surprise idea was blown! Turns out it was the exact thing he was thinking of doing too! Great minds I guess!
So these two great minds will be doing that tonight and I am super excited! I do have a question for all of you though..."F" and I have been dating for about two months now, so when do we do the whole meet the friends/family thing? He had mentioned it a while ago and I told him I wasn't ready for all of that and I wanted to take things slow. He has been so wonderful and respectful of that, but now I am ready to move forward. What do I do?

...And We're Back!

So I arrived back safe and sound from Israel. It was beautiful and I just loved my time there. I met wonderful people and learned so much. Plus, getting to spend time with my family was just a wonderful bonus! That said, I am so happy to be back. As I mentioned in my previous post "F" and I e-mailed a bit while I was gone, and I saw him last night for the first time since being back.

When I opened the door he had a beautiful bouquet of flowers welcoming me back. They are just gorgeous and I am really excited to go home later just to see them sitting on my table! So, while he didn't say he missed me, I think the flowers said enough. We didn't go anywhere, we just ordered food in and watched TV. It was a perfect night for me since I am still a little jet lagged. "F" slept over again and I have to say waking up with him in the morning just feels right. So I think we are basically picking up where we left off and I am excited to see where we go from here!

Greetings from Israel!

So I have been in Israel for a bit over a week and already the time has flown by! While the main purpose of this trip has been for work, I was really so happy to get to spend a couple of days with my family and I will be seeing them again in a few days before I have to head back to the States. If you have not been to Israel before you should! As I am typing this, my window is looking out over the hills of Jerusalem and it is really a magical sight. I have been here many times before, but each trip is still exciting. Yesterday we (the group I am with) went to Ein Gedi which is a nature reserve. We hiked up a mountain (I was wearing flip flops...awesome!) and then went swimming in a natural spring water pool with a waterfall. It was so much fun! Then we headed to the Dead Sea where I floated and covered myself in mud. I felt so soft afterwards, I didn't want to shower but that would have been gross. I've eaten schwarma and falafel, gone out on Ben Yehuda Street, bought really pretty jewelry, and tonight will be heading to the Kotel for some quiet reflection. Like I said, I love Israel!
But I know what you really want to know is if I have heard from "F" (who I am still working on a nickname for). So, here goes, I sent him a long e-mail when I had been here for a few days and then heard back in a response that was a couple of lines. I couldn't really expect much more, he is a boy after all. Anyway, we e-mailed a bit all week, and I did call him once and we spoke for five minutes or so. I sent him another e-mail a couple of days ago, but haven't heard back, so who knows? Maybe he is hungover from July 4th festivities (speaking of which, Happy 4th of July a day late!). So I think that's it for my update from Israel. I'll be back stateside next Saturday and I guess we will just have to see what happens then!

Traveling....

That's right, I am leaving for the next two weeks for a work trip. I am very excited to get the chance to go to Israel since I will also get to see my family while I am there. So, needless to say there probably won't be a whole lot of blogging going on while I am gone.
I did see "F" this week, so that was nice and he has already texted me today to say that the next two weeks will go by fast! I guess that means he is looking forward to me coming back. Anyway, I am still trying to come up with a good nickname, so if you have any suggestions, let me know!

The Sleepover

So "F" slept over on Saturday night after our date and it was wonderful! I still didn't give him the cookie, but there are other things you can do. :-) Anyway, he came over and we went out to dinner and a movie. We were going to possibly go out for drinks after the movie, but decided to just go home instead. We watched a little SNL and then went to bed. Again, details are not going to be posted, but I will say we had fun!

What was so amazing was the morning. We both woke up (or rather, I was already awake due to a constant snoring) and it was just easy. I wasn't worried about brushing my teeth or making sure that I didn't look like a total freak. We just lounged in bed and talked and cuddled. Then we got up and walked to a bakery nearby to get some breakfast. We sat down to eat and then "F" got up and walked to bathroom. He came back into the room with toilet paper and proceeded to kill a HUGE bug on the wall! He did it so quietly so that I wouldn't know what was happening because he didn't want to freak me out. Nice, a boy who will kill bugs for me. Score!

But really, I like him. I happen to be leaving on a business trip later this week and I will be gone for two and a half weeks and I know I am going to miss him. Because even though we have plans tomorrow, I wish I were seeing him today! So, I am pretty sure that two weeks will be somewhat the same. I just wish I knew what he thought...

By the way...should I come up with something other than "F" what do you all think? Please share any ideas!

The Cookie

So, I think its safe to say that "F" and I are embarking on some sort of relationship. I am not seeing anyone else and neither is he. So does that make him my boyfriend? Whoa, didn't see that coming! I am still calling him the guy I am seeing to other people. So who knows?

What I do know is that I am still liking him. He makes me laugh and we have fun together. We went to dinner last night and then he came over to my place for some private time. Which I think is all I'll say about that, I mean my mother reads this! Actually, my mom will probably read this and then call me for details! But I am not sharing, I will say that there was no sex. According to dating boot camp (and Steve Harvey of all people) you should wait ninety days after your first date before you have sex. That way you establish the emotional connection and not just a physical one. What do you all think of that? Steve Harvey calls it "the cookie" which I think is hilarious! Did you all know he wrote a book about dating? I haven't read it, but I have a friend who has and she explained it to me in great detail. Hence knowing about "the cookie." Anyway, I know I am not ready to give "F" my "cookie" yet, ninety days or not.

Boot Camp is Over!

I for one will not really miss the skinny models or the "Single Ladies" song blaring over and over and over. I will miss the free champagne! All in all, I don't think it was a waste of time, I mean if I didn't go, I would have missed Granny! Ah, Granny, she walked into the last boot camp wearing black and white sunglasses ala "Hollywood" from the movie Mannequin. It was awesome! She was also the one to ask the man panel how to handle the situation if the man you are being intimate with loses their erection. So needless to say, the whole thing wouldn't have been the same without Granny!
But into what they really talked about on our last week, it was basically the Do's and Don't's of a first date. Some of what they said was just basic, like really? I shouldn't talk about my years of therapy and the crazy people in my family? Huh, I thought that would make lively dinner conversation! In the end, I would have to say that I had so much fun just being with my friend, drinking free champagne and just making light of the situation. I mean, I didn't take the whole thing so seriously, and to be honest I think that's the lesson I walked away with. Just have fun!

Which brings me to "F." Because having fun is exactly what I am doing. I like him alot, and I know he likes me, and I look forward to seeing him every time we go out. We did go out again last night for dinner and then he came back to my place to watch the end of the Red Sox/ Yankees (Go Sox!) game. While we were at dinner he said that while he isn't counting how many dates we have been on, but he knows its five and that he feels like it has been more. While I don't necessarily feel the same way, I told him that I just am enjoying being with him and excited to see where this is going. That's a huge step for me! I am not always the best at sharing how I am feeling. My accomplice knows that while I have the worst poker face I don't always share right away. But I will say sharing with "F" feels all right and while I am not letting down every wall I am trying and I think I am doing all right!

So, I am seeing someone...

I told my family (namely my mother) about "F" who I have gone out with a few times now. And let me just say thank goodness I was driving the car because if my mother was, we would have wound up in a tree! Needless to say everyone is super excited which has caused me to be a little less so. Its almost like I can feel their pressure all around me, their expectation and wanting this to be "The One." And let me just say, that I like "F" I like spending time with him, I like getting to know him, but it has only been a few weeks and I am not rushing anything. So family members reading this...please understand, I love you all so much and I know you all want me to be happy, but let me do this in my own way at my own pace and just be supportive, thanks!

Now, onto the dating....During the week "F" and I went out to a movie and rather than getting dinner somewhere else I made us some snacks so that we could just sit and eat and watch the movie. I thought it was really cute, and (hopefully) he did too! Then we went back to my place for a bit, and I don't kiss and tell...but we kissed (alot) and it was soo lovely!
Then we went out over the weekend to a comedy show which he had gotten tickets for a while ago. It was so funny and I had so much fun! I just like being him and I always look forward to seeing him again. While we didn't make concrete plans for anything this week, he did ask what my schedule is, so hopefully we'll be seeing each other!

Dating Boot Camp Week #3

Last night's session was called "Make Love Happen" and was basically a tutorial in trying to meet a man on your own rather than waiting for them to approach you. Once again we were treated to a little Beyonce, clapping for our single"ness", and the skinny models. I have to say I am so over that and looking forward to not having that anymore. But I still enjoyed the free champagne (with fresh raspberries floating in it this time!).
We went over how everyone has a fear of rejection and women should feel more comfortable approaching men. And we should approach them anywhere! In the grocery store, at the gym (I don't think so), on the street and at work.
Our hosts then went on to talk about online dating, which is something I feel like since "Operation 3.0" I know a little bit about. They gave us the pros and cons, which were really nothing new. What I found strange was that they said they don't really like online dating, but just last week mentioned how they are about to launch their online dating site! So I think what they really meant was: "We don't love online dating sites...except our own." Fair enough, just be honest about it. All in all, last night wasn't the best night of boot camp, but I did walk away with one great piece of advice that can never be repeated too often:
Don't try to make things fit because you want to be in love
I know people who have done this (I'll admit I have) and it never works. So when it comes to me right now...I am just enjoying seeing where things go with "F" and will of course head to the last week of Boot Camp next week. I mean if nothing else, there is my free gift, right?!

Amazing!

So I had another date with "F" last night, and I have to say he really impressed me. I was all ready for just a dinner out when we walked into a private dining room for twelve people and were treated to an amazing wine and food tasting menu at a local bistro. It was amazing! "F" really listened to me when I said I was willing to be surprised for our second date, and surprise me he did! It was such a wonderful evening. We learned alot about wine and ate delicious food; including a cheese course which is just about the best food ever!
Throughout dinner "F" would look over at me and smile and I just thought that was so sweet. One thing that was a little bit hard for me was some of the things he said. For example he told me that he felt lucky to have met me, and while that's totally sweet, I don't really know how to react to a comment like that. Maybe it stems from some of my personal issues (poor self esteem and all that) but I sometimes wonder why someone would like me. I am sure my accomplice is yelling at her computer screen right now after I said that, along with some other people who know me. Sorry guys, I am just being honest!
Anyway, back to the date...we held hands and he kissed my hand, and yes everyone we did kiss! I know that's what you all want to know anyway. It was nice and sweet and I think I like "F" more the more I spend time with him. After dinner he once again walked me to my door and we kissed some more and then he left and I went inside. He texted me a few minutes later just to say that I am amazing, and I won't lie...I felt like I was! :-)

Never Wear Flats!

That was the big advice given in week #2 of Dating Boot Camp. Now, believe me, I know that heels make a woman's legs look great. Not to mention that we walk just a little bit taller in them, meaning we carry ourselves with more confidence (at least I do). But at the same time, have you ever spent a whole day in heels walking around New York City? I challenge any guy on that man panel to do that for a day...heck, even an hour and see how your feet feel. So until the day my fee don't throb and wince in pain from heels for over five hours; I will continue to wear my flats, proudly carrying my heels in a bag ready to be slipped on after I'm done walking.
The other big thing that they talked about was being a "Bond Girl" which i took to basically mean carrying yourself with confidence and an air of mystery. You should get dressed and feel good because you like what you're wearing, because you feel good and love yourself. While that is great advice, its nothing I haven't heard before. They also repeatedly mentioned how you don't have to be a size 2 or 4 to be attractive to men. Great! But while they were saying that they kept on bringing out a model who must have been less than a 2! So that made all of us average women in the audience feel awesome!
I would say that all in all, Boot Camp Week #2 didn't hold a candle to week #1! I mean without Granny it just wasn't worth it!

In other news, I have been really feeling under the weather and since I am getting on a plane this afternoon I had to cancel my date with "F" last night. He was totally understanding and we have already rescheduled. So not to worry, details will be coming!

Boot Camp Week #2

Oh yes, I am excited Boot Camp Week #2 is upon us and I for one can't wait! This week's topic? "The Look Men Love." I wonder what that will be about? A bunch of skinny models showing off the latest maxi dress fashions (which incidentally look like a mumu on me!). Or will it be telling us FABULOUS single ladies how the look men love is confidence and self awareness? I have a feeling it will be mostly the former with just a dash of the latter. But I would also love to be surprised and proven wrong!

In other news, "F" and I are going out again tomorrow night! Woo hoo! Yes, I am excited, and yes that is new and somewhat weird for me. Maybe that's why I haven't posted so many details about it. My accomplice said I have to stop thinking and just do. I am working on it. And I will be sure to add more information about the date this time (since sister of accomplice made it quite clear she wants the dirt!).

"E" "F" "G"

Yes, there are quite a few updates!

"E" called me and I have not returned the call. I know that's awful. But I really don't feel any connection at all. I can't even remember going out with him the day after our date. I just don't see this guy being a match for me. And yes, I understand that this is probably the coward's way out, however I really don't know what to say to him. He really is a nice guy, but not for me.

"F" is a guy who I e-mailed and he actually e-mailed me back!! We exchanged numbers and were talking and texting and finally went out last night. It was such a great date! I know, shocking right? That's usually not the case with these blog posts (see above). "F" was really funny, and definitely has the same sarcasm that I do. We really just got along so well and a date that was just meeting for drinks turned into dinner and ice cream! It was just easy and comfortable, I think that's the best way to put it.

"G" is a guy who I have exchanged a few e-mails with on match. I won't lie, the e-mails felt a little like those pen pal letters you got in elementary school. They are just a little juvenile in my opinion. Whats funny is that my accomplice just didn't see that. But anyone I showed them to who is or was a teacher understood. Just thought that was a bit odd. But I gave him my number anyway and he left me a message last night while I was out with "F." So I will call him back and try to set something up.

In other updates, I got four new winks on match! Which would be so awesome, but none of the guys were Jewish, so clearly not matches. But still nice to know that people are interested. After the months of nothing, its nice to have something positive to write about. Don't worry though, I am still going to finish out my Dating Boot Camp and report on it. I mean you can't even make up some of the stuff that I saw there!!

Dating Boot Camp (Week #1)

Yes that's right, last night Little Match Girl went to Dating Boot Camp! Don't worry I brought some friends along to make the experience a little less daunting. Because seriously? Being in a room with a bunch of other single women getting schooled in how to date can be scary!

So armed with my complimentary glass of champagne and a pen I boldly went where just about every other single woman in midtown Manhattan was going as well (clearly they needed a bigger room). The program started with our hosts making us clap about how excited we were to be there and got to listen to Beyonce wail about "Single Ladies." To be honest, I thought that was a little odd, I don't think any woman is necessarily excited to be single. We can accept it, we can be happy with our full lives, but excited? Well, I was excited for the free drinks, excited for the coupons to the store the event was held in, and excited for my free gift at the end of boot camp....excited for being single and having these people point out all the things I do wrong? Not so much.

But I was still open minded and figured that the worst that could happen is that I would get a good chuckle out of the experience with my friends. And that is pretty much what happened. I mean I listened to them tell me about the different types of "players" out there. I watched the date re-play (fascinated actually by the fact that I was totally the guy they were describing and not the girl!!). I listened (and maybe cringed a little bit) when they spoke about MANagement (get it?). I listened to the man panel give us their point of view of certain situations. But perhaps the best part were the questions and answers. While there were some good points made by the man panel, the best part came from a woman in the audience. We call her "Granny." So, "Granny" stands up in her all white outfit, she had taken of her fabulous gold jacket, and says, "I used to be called a slut, now I am called a cougar..." OMG! The room just went crazy with laughter and applause! This woman was awesome and really made the whole experience worthwhile.

In the end though, did I walk away with loads of new information ready to take on the dating scene with a vengeance? Not really. But did I have a great time? Absolutely and I can't wait for Week #2!

About Last Night...

I think the following story really sums up last night to a T.

I was sitting at my desk this morning trying to figure out what was wrong with my work e-mail when my co-worker walked in. She had not been in yesterday so besides her bringing my morning coffee, I was excited to see her.
"How was last night? Did you go out?" she asked.
I looked at her like she was insane, I had no idea what she was talking about! Then she laughed and looked at me saying, "That good huh?!"
Oh My G! I had totally forgotten that I had gone out with "E" last night!

So, there it is. It's clearly not necessary to put in details about the date, since as of 10 AM I couldn't even remember I had gone out on one in the first place!

Tonight, tonight

I have my second date with "E" tonight, and I think we all know how I feel about it at this point. We have had a few phone conversations and I have usually been bored (except for one conversation when I had a little too much to drink before the conversation). Anyway, I mentioned to someone about this upcoming date and how I get the impression that "E" is really looking forward to it and might be kind of into me, which isn't too great because I am really not feeling into him at all. That's when my friend mentioned something that, while I have heard before, I do not agree with. Basically she said that my whole situation is a good thing because the person you are in a relationship with should always like you more than you like them. I think its a little ridiculous! I mean, I want to like the person I am dating, I want to feel passionate about them and I want them to feel the same about me. I realize that no relationship is always 50-50, but to remain with someone just because they like you is not a good thing either. And that I can say from experience, since I was with someone for quite sometime and the only reason I stayed was because he liked me. And I liked that feeling, but then I realized that it wasn't enough. What do you all think about this?

Let's Get Excited!

So after my date with "E" I clearly had to talk about it with everyone. I was talking to my sister (the one who met her husband online) and she said something that really got me thinking. We were talking about how I just wasn't feeling any type of spark and didn't see this going anywhere. She mentioned that he first time she went out with er husband she thought they would just be friends. Then the phone rang a few days later and it was him and she was really excited to talk to him and see him again!
I thought about it, maybe if/when "E" called I would be excited. Maybe, he was nervous on the date so going out again would give me a better chance to get to know him. I was willing to follow my sister's line of thinking. Then the phone rang...
And nothing, no excitement on my part, in fact I was little bored by our conversation. I didn't let on as much and the conversation ended without him asking me out again. I though that was fine, since I was not really interested anyway. But then he called again a few days later (and again, I thought 'maybe this time I'll be excited'). This time he did ask to get together again, and I am going to go, because I promised I would go out with anyone who asked at least twice. And while my accomplice says I have already made up my mind about him (which is 99.9% true) I am still hoping my sister's advice will ring true and I will look forward to seeing "E" again!

Just Practicing

So I had a date last night with "E" from match.com. He was someone who had e-mailed me and we chatted a bit on the phone before he asked me out to dinner. I thought that was nice since most first dates people usually ask for coffee or a cocktail, dinner is more of a commitment. Anyway, I was game. He seemed like an okay guy. There was nothing too exciting about his profile, from his pictures to his statements, he just seemed like a "nice" guy.
Its funny because as I was getting ready yesterday I realized I wasn't excited. I am not saying that I was pissed off about the date (that has happened in the past) but I just didn't have any excited feeling about meeting this guy. I wasn't nervous, I was just sort of blah, which is the best way to describe it.
When I got to the restaurant "E" was waiting outside in the little drizzle that had been wafting over the city for days! We walked into the cute sushi place and sat down to order drinks and some yummy food. The conversation was fine, and while there were a few awkward silences, for the most part we got along really well. The only thing is, I was not attracted to him in any way. I am not saying he is ugly or anything like that, but he is just not attractive to me. And shouldn't I be attracted to someone I date? Call me crazy, but I don't think its such a ridiculous concept. I mean, my friends who are dating, married, engaged, whatever....they find their significant others attractive, while I might not, and that's okay. I don't need their approval on my date's attractive rating, but I do need my own, and "E" just didn't have it.
At the same time, we did get along so well, so who knows? Maybe that attraction issue can change. But I do know that's its an important part of a relationship and not one I think I should have to compromise on.
So for now I am just chalking this date into the practice pile.

Really?!

Recently I was talking to my mother about "Operation 3.0" and her advice was to begin "slumming it" as I am obviously too picky. I asked if she meant that i should start going out with "Bigblackman" and the like. She said no, she would till prefer a Jew, but a slummy Jew. Okay, yes that was my mother ladies and gentlemen. I won't lie, I was laughing hysterically! If you know my mother you can understand why. Anyway, no sooner had she said that than I got an e-mail from someone on match. I knew right away that he wasn't for me, but with my mother's words ringing in my ears, I responded and we were chatting on the phone a few days later.
The phone conversation was easy, maybe because I knew he was not for me. At the same time, you never know, and I was just hoping to have a fun date out. So we made plans and he said he would call later in the week to confirm. Well, I never heard from him, so needless to say there was no date and my mom's advice did not really work out. Oh well, back to the drawing board!
In other news...my six months on match.com officially ends today. We heard into my six months free now. My accomplice said it would be really funny if I met someone right now and didn't get to take advantage of my great deal! I don't know about meeting someone, but a nice date out with a guy who doesn't live at home, isn't a stalker, or a swinger, or who actually calls to cancel/confirm a date would be great! Does anyone know someone.....?

Mr. Sensitive

So, I don't need to let you know what kind of guy I am looking for. We have been over that over and over...to the point that I do feel like a broken record. Anyway, I got my weekly e-mail from a nice-looking Catholic boy saying how we would be a great match. Those e-mails are flattering, don't get me wrong, but it would be nice to get them from a nice-looking Jewish guy (it only takes one, right?!). Well, I do like to e-mail people back, even if I don't think we are a match. I just know that I would like it if people would write back, even if its just to say we are not a match. Especially since I took the time to write in the first place. Anyway, I penned my usual response which goes like this:

Thanks so much for your e-mail, but I just don't think we are a match. I am looking for a nice Jewish guy to bring home to my mom. Good luck to you!!

Usually they leave at that, but not Mr. Sensitive. He had something to say and say it he would! This was his response to me:

I think Jewish guy was sufficient. The implication that we're not nice or not worthy of bringing home to mom is something we gentiles don't get.

Wow!! I did not mean anything of the sort. To assume that my e-mail meant that he could not possibly be nice or a guy worthy of bringing home was a bit of a reach. I mean, get over yourself! I am just trying to be nice by responding rather than ignoring you all together. Which I think is the way to go from now on. I did let him know that I didn't mean any offense and he shouldn't take it so hard. I once again wished him luck in his search, lets see what he says now, or maybe I can have the last word on this? I do love that!

Either way, good luck to you Mr. Sensitive! And to all you gentiles out there that just "don't get it" take this lesson from Mr. Sensitive, when the girl responds with a gentle let down just be glad she responded, or would you rather be ignored?

Me To-A-T

I recently read an article in the Huffington Post that really was written just for me. I mean the title grabbed my attention and I thought it would be interesting, but when I read it, I was seriously freaked out about how well it pinpointed pretty much everything about me! Anyway, I am posting it here, since it will allow you to understand a bit more about me. I mean, when even my accomplice is shocked that this article knows me better than she does, you know its good!

Dr. Alex Benzer
Posted March 2, 2009 05:31 PM (EST)
Why The Smartest People Have The Toughest Time Dating
I have a mini-confession to make: I wrote the Tao of Dating books specifically for really smart people. The writing of the books was precipitated by the endemic dating woes on the Harvard campus, as I observed them as an advisor and earlier, indulged in them as a student.
Those kids graduate and pretty much continue to have the same dating woes -- only now with fewer single people around who happen to live in the same building and share meals with them every day. So if they had challenges then, it gets about 1000 times worse once they're tossed from the warm womb of their alma mater.
From my observations, the following dating challenges seem to be common to most smart people. In fact, the smarter you are, the more clueless you will be, and the more problems you're going to have in your dating life. Once upon a day I used to be pretty smart, and believe me, I had a lock on clueless.
On the one hand, this makes no sense. Smart people can figure stuff out, right? And this stuff is simple!
On the other hand, it makes total sense. For simple things, it takes someone smart to really screw it up. So whether you went (or should have gone) to the likes of Harvard, Yale, Princeton, MIT, Stanford, Columbia, Cornell, Swarthmore, Amherst, Dartmouth, Brown, Oxford, Cambridge, Berkeley, Penn, Caltech, Duke, read on:
1. Smart people spent more time on achievements than on relationships when growing up.
Smart kids usually come from smart families. And smart families are usually achievement-oriented. Bring me home those straight As, son. Get into those top colleges, daughter. Take piano, violin, tennis, swimming and Tibetan throat-singing lessons. Win every award there is in the book. Be 'well-rounded.'
Well, you're a talented little bugger. Of course you should develop those talents. At the same time, there's an opportunity cost associated with achievement. Time spent studying, doing homework, and practicing the violin is time not spent doing other things -- like chasing boys or girls, which turns out is fairly instrumental in making you a well-rounded human.
The upshot of all that achievement is that you get into a top college -- congratulations! -- and then continue doing even more of what you were doing before. Dating is at best another extracurricular, #6 or #7 down the list, somewhere between Model UN and intramural badminton.
I've been co-hosting young alumni events for name-brand schools for long enough to know that these kids come out a little lopsided (which sounds so much better than 'socially awkward', don't you think?). All they need is a little tune-up, or a little dating textbook like The Tao of Dating for Women or Men, to get them going -- plus a little practice.
Of course, as noted above, things only get worse once you graduate. And if you're frustrated with your love life, you just might try to compensate by working harder and achieving even more to fill that void. Left untreated, this condition can go on for decades. I know people in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond who still haven't figured out how to create an intimate connection with another human being.
It's because they've been going at it the wrong way. Which brings us to...
2. Smart people feel that they're entitled to love because of their achievements.
For most of their lives, smart people inhabit a seemingly meritocratic universe: if they work hard, they get good results (or, in the case of really smart folks, even if they don't work hard, they still get good results). Good results mean kudos, strokes, positive reinforcement, respect from peers, love from parents.
So it only makes sense that in the romantic arena, it should work the same way. Right? The more stuff I do, the more accomplishments and awards I have, the more girls (or boys) will like me. Right? Please say I'm right, because I've spent a LOT of time and energy accumulating this mental jewelry, and I'm going to be really bummed if you tell me it's not going to get me laid.
Well, it's not going to get you laid, brother (or sister). It may get you a first date, but it's probably not going to get you a second date. And it certainly won't bring you lasting love and fulfillment.
Here's the thing: your romantic success has nothing to do with your mental jewelry and everything to do with how you make the other person feel. And making someone feel a certain way is a somewhat nonlinear process that requires a different kind of mastery than that of calculus or Shakespeare.
In other words, you need to earn love (or at least lust). Sadly, no mom, dad or professor teaches us about the power of the well-placed compliment (or put-down), giving attention but not too much attention, being caring without being needy. I wrote a whole 280-page book about that, so that's a story for a different day.
3. You don't feel like a fully-realized sexual being, and therefore don't act like one.
At some point in your life, you got pegged as a smart person. From then on, that was your principal identity: The Smart One. Especially if you had a sibling who was better-looking than you, in which case she (or he) was The Pretty One.
Now you could be absolutely stunning (in which case you're both smart AND pretty and everyone hates you except for me -- call me, like, immediately), but your identity is still bound up in being The Smart One. So maybe you dress frumpy and don't pay a lot of attention to your appearance. Or never bothered to cultivate your sensuality as a woman. Or your sexual aggression as a male.
Attracting a partner is all about the dance of polarity. Energy flows between positive and negative electrodes, anode and cathode, magnetic north and south. Unless you actually convey femininity as a woman or masculinity as a man, you're not going to attract a suitable companion of the opposite sex.
Part of the issue is this: when all of your personal energy is concentrated in the head, it never gets a chance to trickle down to the heart, or, god forbid, the groin. By virtue of being born of the union of male and female, yang and yin, you are a sexual being. Deal with it. Now do what you need to do to perpetuate the race already. Use what mama amoeba gave you.
That brings us to...
4. You're exceptionally talented at getting in the way of your own romantic success.
Here's an incontrovertible fact: every one of your ancestors survived to reproductive age and got it on at least once with a member of the opposite sex. All the way back to Homo erectus. And even further back to Australopithecus. And even further back to monkeys, to lizards, to the first amphibian that crawled out of the slime, the fish that preceded that amphibian, the worm before the fish and the amoeba that preceded the worm.
And you, YOU, in the year 2009 C.E., the culmination of that miraculously unbroken line of succession, you, Homo sapiens sapiens, not just thinking man but thinking thinking man (or woman), are the only one smart enough to SCREW THE WHOLE THING UP.
Perhaps you should consider thinking a little less then.
Because heaven knows that the amoeba, worm, fish, amphibian, monkey and primitive hominids didn't do a whole lot of thinking. Their DNA had a vested interest in perpetuating itself, so it made sure that happened.
Turns out your DNA works the same way, too. And maybe when you're really sloshed at a party and your whole frontal lobe is on vacation in the outer rings of Saturn, you've noticed that your lizard brain knows exactly how to grab that cute girl by the waist for a twirl on the dance floor. Or knows exactly how to arch your back, flip your hair and glance at that handsome hunk just so such that he comes on over to say hi.
To put it plainly, you are programmed to reproduce. Now quit thinking you're smarter than the 3 billion base pairs in your genome and 4 billion years of evolution. Actually, just stop thinking altogether. Let the program do its work.
5. By virtue (or vice) of being smart, you eliminate most of the planet's inhabitants as a dating prospect
Let's say by 'smart' we mean 'in the top 5% of the population in terms of intelligence and education'. Generally speaking, smart people seek out other smart people to hang out with, simply because they get bored otherwise. And if they're going to spend a lot of time with someone, intelligence in a partner is pretty much a requirement.
Well, congratulations -- you've just eliminated 95% of the world's population as a potential mate, Mr or Ms Smartypants. Now, luckily, the world's kinda big, so the remaining 5% of the gender of your choice is still a plentiful 160 million or so people. Even if only 1% of those are single enough, good-looking enough, local enough and just all-around cool enough for you, that's over a million people you can date out there.
Still, that's less than one in five thousand people. And if you live in a smaller city, it may be just a handful of folks who are going to meet your stringent criteria.
At this point, you have three choices:
A) Loosen up
B) Do a very thorough search all over the planet and be prepared to move to Duesseldorf OR
C) Join a monastery.
My hearty recommendation is choice A. The purpose of relationship (and perhaps all of life) is to practice the loving. No partner is going to be 100% perfect anyway, so learn to appreciate people for what they have to offer, not what they don't. And love them for that. That's what real loving is.
Nobody's asking to lower your standards here; you should still spend time only with worthwhile company. But do question the standards to see whether they're serving you or you're serving them.
When you open your heart to love, you may find fulfillment in ways you never imagined possible -- like the day you tried sushi or beer in spite of your trepidation, found it surprisingly alright, and expanded your personal envelope of pleasure. Taking that into consideration, given a choice between happy-go-lucky and picky-but-lonely, happy sounds like more fun.